Sunday, July 01, 2007 // 7:47 PM
i dont really know how should i start this post with,
i guess, i'm feeling alot now
but i extremly grateful
this week was absolutely superb and exciting
filled with rehearsals that ends at 9+, 10+ every day
i really really love it
going for dance practises and opera practises really brightens me up
and i look forward to every single practise
i've been looking forward to so so much this week
but the performance is over and i just dont look forward anymore
its this empty feeling inside me now
that i detest
yet love at the same time because i'm glad it happened
i miss the performance so much so that i forgot how to control myself
i dont know.
i really want to perform again and again and again
Xinthesis was a huge success that im sure will remain special in my heart forever
it was my last time doing sui yue ru ge with the syf dancers
and im so glad to say that it was better than the syf day,
it was so much better that i couldn't control my feelings when tears started to roll down
because i was so touched by the dance and every single dancer
the bond that i felt with the whole syf troupe
opera was great because xinmin opera holds a very important part in me
i miss staying until 5.30am in the morning in school just to do up the photos for the reception
to practise till so late every night
to get scolded by the opera teachers and cai bo shi for countless times
to do the dance over and over again cos it was messy and we couldn't catch the timing
to laugh and cry at the same time during opera practise
and during the performance,
even if there were 1001 hiccups
it was a huge huge success
i miss feeling the anxious-ness before the performance
i miss the happiness i felt on stage,
to cherish every single second i get to perform infront of an audience
to present the best of myself to people
and most importantly,
to do what i love
i miss the backstage happenings
and the team spirit that just blows me away during the performance
its been a long long time since i felt the tears of joy
i think i'm extremly blessed
to be able to work with such a great bunch of people,
an outstanding bunch of teachers,
both in opera and chinese dance
blessed with so many opportunities to shine
this morning i woke up feeling so empty inside,
missing what had happened just a few hours ago
hoping that it could all happen again,
but to no avail.
i'm so emotionally attached to opera and chinese dance
that i can't seem to let them go,
although i know i need to.
it's just something that means alot to me,
many might not understand,
but its something that changed me and made me see myself for who i am
its what kept me going for these few years,
it taught me so much,
to love
to devote
to cherish
to support
to anticipate
to work
to acheive
its hard to put my feelings in words
because the kind of happiness that i felt
cannot be written,
it can only be experienced.
thank you everyone,
i'm extremly grateful.
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"
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