Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // 10:09 PM
The homesick-ness has been slowly sinking in. I know its been almost four years, but perhaps its the exact reason thats been making me miss home, short trips back to Singapore now and then has certainly made me realise how much home has changed without my presence, how i've changed into another whom i'd rather not be. I've really lost my fighting spirit.Seeing pictures and the statuses on facebook, it just reminds me....of home....a little too much.
I wanna wake up to the sounds of my maid vacuuming the floor, go downstairs to a table full of hawker food for breakfast. To laze around the house, watching cable.
Technique classes has been especially tiring these few days, i'm secretly thankful for it because this week has got me a lot of free time on my hands. Pei laoshi has been a tad more harsh on the Year 4 students this week, its depressing but i could really feel her sincerity and passion to teach us. In fact, i feel kind of bad that we can't seem to keep up with her teaching. But i do enjoy the dancing, the difficulty can really make you feel helpless and hopeless, but i guess having something to work your body gives me the adrenline, makes me wanna be a better me for myself.
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Thursday, February 09, 2012 // 12:07 AM
Frustrated.
Disliking school for now. would really love a change of environment. but i guess bird was right when she said that there are simply too many external pressure that is tying us down to stay in this school. people, money, life. i feel like this is one of those boulders that is seemingly impossible for me to hurdle over. Its gonna get all over me before i get all over it.
Maybe its just the bad results today.
On second thought, not really. Its everything thats wrong in this freaking environment that i stupidly chose to put myself in. Can't. think. straight. in. this. angsty. feeling.
Ijustreallyhateeverythingthatshappeningnow.
Perhaps, i guess, its especially difficult when i know that i've thrown my heart into doing all these things but somehow your efforts only got you many Bs. I really do feel like a failure, i don't know how i'll survive in the future, being such a mediocre in this society where you don't belong anywhere because you're not the worst but never ever good enough for anything important, or rather, not good enough to be considered useful.
I really dislike the fact that playing not nice can triumph over playing nice. Its just...plain irritating :(
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Saturday, February 04, 2012 // 11:27 AM
Its been almost two weeks around people whom i love, and time do flies when you're happy.I feel like so much have happened during this holiday and i really don't want it to end.
Even though this year's cny was spent without decorations in my house, without the giving of oranges and receiving of angpaos, but i'm glad that this big family of mine could take the time out to mourn for grandfather, to get together, accompany him and guide him towards the far-away-place. I really do wish that he is pain-free and is somewhere happy with grandmother. I miss the both of them. To say the truth, they were really the ones who brought this whole big family together, with weekly gatherings and birthday party-ings at their house. The times spent together is definately something that i'll remember for life.
This holiday, I guess there was an appropriate amount of going out with friends and having some alone time at home. I really do love my house, and it amazing how i could just stay home the whole day doing nothing much. Its....peaceful :)
Meet up with treasured friends, couldn't ask for more, i know everyone is busy with their own life and it just warms my heart to know that there are people who will take time out of their busy schedule to spend time with me. Everytime i'm out with them, it reminds me that there are still genuine people out there and i really appreciate them for all they are.
but i miss dancing. two weeks has certainly taken its toll on my body. I know i'll have a hard time when i'm back, and as much as i hate to face it. I know i will. I just hope that when the time really comes being too much for me to take, there'll be someone there to pick me up and help me get through it.
I'm feeling more scared than excited for the coming semester. but i guess, it's a choice i've made a few years ago.
Home is where the heart is. I know i'll be back. Till six months :)
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