just when i needed someone beside me,
i realised that i'm all alone.
wanted to call someone,
but realised that i have no one to call.
thought i will be happy,
but realised that its not the case.

i mean its not that i'm not appreciating this once in a lifetime chance.
i am. i really am.
i can't be grateful enough.
thank god for it, really.

but sad to say, i'm not happy at this moment.

because just when i thought i've gotten something that i've always wanted
i realise that i may just lose it all,

just like that.

-------------

i don't know why but i feel a sense of loss

i'm quite surprised myself,
but i guess even as a super senior,
i still feel very attached to xinmin chinese dance.
its just after xinthesis and i realised how much i still love xinmin chinese dance

haha its been a year and my feelings for XMCD still remained the same
or rather, i've grown to love it more since i rarely have time to go back
Xinthesis made me feel like i'm still part of XMCD,
like i could do something useful for XMCD
and it made me feel good.

now Xinthesis is over and i just feel as if i've lost total connection with XMCD.
unknowingly, i think i still enjoyed all the rehearsals that i felt was boring when elizabeth and i were totally neglected during rehearsals.
i'm happy being in XMCD, being with people who are all working toward the same goal as me-to let people enjoy when they watch XMCD in Xinthesis.

i miss xinmin chinese dance.
i miss all my dance-mates there.
its sad that many are leaving this year but haha
you guys can just join the xinmin dance alumni that currently has a total strength of 2 people

i'm sure that next year's syf will be even better than last year
especially when you have zls as an instructor.
even though we all know she is super bias and unreasonable at times.
but she gets things done,
and she'll make sure that it'll be good.
so i have faith that XMCD will be able to reach greater heights next year.

oh man, i really do miss xinthesis.
i miss the back stage happenings, i miss the performance!
and sui yue ru ge felt nice when i was doing it because i've finally felt the feeling like last year.
i mean even though i've been doing it in NAFA, but the feeling is totally different.
i guess its because in terms of sui yue ru ge, i've been through much more with XMCD

ahh i'm just happy that it was a good performance (:

i want to go out with dance-mates again!
its been very long....


i miss you guys!


thinking about you guys in XMCD really reminded me of those days where we will go out to eat after every single dance practise during intensive
it was just pure fun and laughter
thank you so much, i really love those days
its been one year since i've rehearse a dance with XMCD
i remember how fun it used to be,

i just can't seem and don't want to forget it all.

just when i felt like i don't belong because of all the neglection,
i think all along i've always known that my spirit will always be alive in XMCD.
that i love XMCD (:

-------------

common tests are over!

-------------

Xinthesis is later!

well but first, i have a history paper in less than 2 hours time.
great man. why did i choose to take history?!?!?
i must be crazy lah, don't know what i was thinking when i made that decision.
fine, i like learning about history cos it can be quite interesting,
but i hate hate hate doing the exam paper lah. hate it!

today is gonna be a longgggg day
cos apparently i still have a physics paper tmr
and there is xinthesis tonight.
i will be deprived of my sleep!

but anyway, i really hope that xinthesis will be great.
i remember last year's xinthesis.
it was emotional for me, and i guess it will be the same for the sec 4 & 5 this year.
but no worries , cos you can always go back and perform for xinthesis. like me and ebird haha.
actually i'm not that excited for the performance, cos of the stupid exams..
and it sounds like i'm crazy to still be taking part in xinthesis during common tests.
but seriously, i really love performing, and at that time, i just thought i wouldn't need to take the common tests.
but crap, i still need to take in the end lor.

i hope today's full rehearsal in the afternoon will be productive,
unlike yesterday which was a total waste of my time.
don't understand why some people can be so unreasonable,
i'm not even needed there lah...

okay,
now back to cold war and southeast asia!

-------------

back from the "party" at elizabeth's house
it was quite fun actually.

when i was at the dinner table,
it just reminded me of hongkong.
i miss hongkong.
like the whole atmosphere was just nice.
heartwarming, very cosy, not forgeting hot cos of the hot plate and steamboat.
although the cantonese everywhere made me very blurr but still...

when i'm in hongkong living with elizabeth
i would very much love of invite my friends and classmates over for a dinner like that.
i really love the feeling.
yearn for a simple life like that.

i miss hkapa
even though i've only been there for three days,
i really wanna study in a school like that
i wanna live life like the diploma students i saw when i was there
its so much more appealing for me than the mundane jc life.

i want to be a performer.
i will only want to be a teacher after my performing years are over.
i don't want to go straight into teaching after i get my certs.
and i think that it is possible, its not like i'm wishing for something that is totally impossible.
i don't need to be a famous performer, i don't have to be in the best dance company in the world
i just want to join a good company and dance.
i mean being the best or something is a bonus lah, but its not like a must..cos i know there are tons of better dancers out there.
so i don't want people to think that i'll never make it to be a performer.

saw a quote today,
"keep away from people who belittle your ambition, small people always do that, but the really great, makes you feel that you too can become great" - Mark Twain

-------------

spent my whole day in the library finishing up the written report
and we got scolded by the librarian a few times for being too noisy haha
but we managed to finish it
we are super last minute, cos the deadline is tmr haha.

at elizabeth's house now,
there are quite a few people here and i don't know them
all ebird's parent's friends.

been going back to xinmin dance on monday and tuesday mornings
but it was total BORING-NESS
what a waste of my time.
i think zls thinks i aspire to be a teacher, when did i ever say that?
elizabeth and i were totally rotting there lah,
we went for 6 hours and we only danced for 10 minutes, great man.

i'm just going for the full run on friday
and the teng zhi ye costume is like...not happening.

common tests just totally spoilt my mood for Xinthesis and rehearsals.
i HATE common tests.

recently i've been reading more of the hkapa dancer's blog
and they all blog in some cantonese slang in chinese
so i'm really having a hard time trying to understand what they are writing
cos they don't really make sense to me.

i really hope that i'll get into hkapa this year.
i can tell how exciting life is for the hkapa dancers just by reading their blog and looking at the pictures.

AHH PLEASE LET ME GET IN THIS YEAR!!!!

-------------

happy daddy's day (hey alliteration! oh man, i miss those good old days of literature..)

had honglei practise today
dinghong laoshi is back.
and we had full attendance
its the second time in history hahaha

i enjoyed class (:

well, one more week left to school reopen
which means exams..

but today i just don't feel good at all,
just when i thought everything will be okay,
then one problem suddenly pops up.

i so so so badly want to get into HKAPA this year.
its so unfair, why am i in a disadvantage just because i'm a singaporean
i really really hope that they'll acept me this year
goodness, no one can imagine how important this is to me and how badly badly badly i want it.

-------------

i just can't can't can't concentrate.
i totally have no disipline,
i can't stop thinking about hongkong.

i guess i appear as if i don't really bother much about everything
i may look as if i don't want to talk about it,
but thats cos i just don't want to get even more distracted.

if there wasn't the irritating common test thing,
i guess i'll worry even more than elizabeth.

i tried to keep it at the back of my head,
but its just so so difficult.
i really really wish that i'll get in HKAPA
and i can't do anything about it now except wait.

waiting is a painful process
but if it turns out to be positive,
i'll really just scream and jump for joy.
the thing is, i don't know if it'll turn out to be positive or not.

i want to be as happy as manuel on the day he got his scholarship to HKAPA.

i really hope that both elizabeth and i will get in this year.
really, really hope so.

now,its back to waiting..
and i'm so dead for common tests.

-------------

only two weeks of holidays left
why does holidays always pass so fast
i'm gonna die for my common tests.

today i went with looyee to raffles place, hoping to complete the interview for PW
and we ended up being too early cos everyone was in a meeting,
so we waited and waited. and waited
and we took one hour to find the place,
when we've passed it like a zillion times already,
made us feel so stupid.
anyway didn't really interview them cos they weren't really free to entertain us,
but i'm quite glad that they were willing to help us, so they are going email us instead,
hope i receive an email from them soon

then we had lunch,
and i tried carl's junior for the first time cos looyee was craving for it
it was good, and super filling even though i shared a meal with looyee
and looyee kept exclaiming how delicious the burger tasted haha!

i really should start studying for common test
because time waits for no man.

yesterday i was so glad that i had proper dancing after so long

i really really want to get into HKAPA

-------------

back from hongkong.

the audition on the three days never fail to surprise me with something.
it was quite different from what i had expected
but nevertheless, i guess it was an experience for me.

the remaining two days of the auditions were okay
just that during the third day we were told we had to do a solo each
and i was kind of like, "oh no.."
but they said that we could do it without music and just improvise, it should last around 1-2 mins?
i was one of the first few who had to go in, so i had even lesser time,
in the end i just did some Sui4yue4 stuffs and i added in my own stuffs too.

i guess when i danced infront of them, i wasn't really scared,
just a little worried that what i'm showing them is not what they want.
anyhow, i just tried to do everything properly and taadaa, it was over.
it felt just like dancing through the dance one time in nafa or xinmin.

but i could hear like mumblings between the judges,
and i don't know if thats good or bad..

then we had to wait super long for the interview
when my turn came, i just went in..
and realise that the chair is super far away from the judges, i don't know why too haha.
the interview was alright, more like a casual talk.

right now, the thing that i'm most upset about is that the hongkong government have a quota on foreign students, so the judges told me that they can't make any decisions yet because the quota is not decided yet and that the whole HKAPA will have to share the quota, which means that foreign students like me will have a much slimmer chance to get in.

i'm so so sad.

well, its so ironic that now i don't seem to worry much if my performance during the audition was good or not.
but rather if the quota will allow them to take us in ornot.

i know that nothing can be done at this time.
cos i've already done my part, i've already done all that could be done.

so i really leave it up to god,
leave it to Him to tell his path for me.

i really pray that i will get into HKAPA.
i want to go back to hongkong in August for good..

-------------

so the first day of the audition is over

-------------

For events of Day One in Hongkong

-------------

just when i needed someone beside me,
i realised that i'm all alone.
wanted to call someone,
but realised that i have no one to call.
thought i will be happy,
but realised that its not the case.

i mean its not that i'm not appreciating this once in a lifetime chance.
i am. i really am.
i can't be grateful enough.
thank god for it, really.

but sad to say, i'm not happy at this moment.

because just when i thought i've gotten something that i've always wanted
i realise that i may just lose it all,

just like that.
-------------

i don't know why but i feel a sense of loss

i'm quite surprised myself,
but i guess even as a super senior,
i still feel very attached to xinmin chinese dance.
its just after xinthesis and i realised how much i still love xinmin chinese dance

haha its been a year and my feelings for XMCD still remained the same
or rather, i've grown to love it more since i rarely have time to go back
Xinthesis made me feel like i'm still part of XMCD,
like i could do something useful for XMCD
and it made me feel good.

now Xinthesis is over and i just feel as if i've lost total connection with XMCD.
unknowingly, i think i still enjoyed all the rehearsals that i felt was boring when elizabeth and i were totally neglected during rehearsals.
i'm happy being in XMCD, being with people who are all working toward the same goal as me-to let people enjoy when they watch XMCD in Xinthesis.

i miss xinmin chinese dance.
i miss all my dance-mates there.
its sad that many are leaving this year but haha
you guys can just join the xinmin dance alumni that currently has a total strength of 2 people

i'm sure that next year's syf will be even better than last year
especially when you have zls as an instructor.
even though we all know she is super bias and unreasonable at times.
but she gets things done,
and she'll make sure that it'll be good.
so i have faith that XMCD will be able to reach greater heights next year.

oh man, i really do miss xinthesis.
i miss the back stage happenings, i miss the performance!
and sui yue ru ge felt nice when i was doing it because i've finally felt the feeling like last year.
i mean even though i've been doing it in NAFA, but the feeling is totally different.
i guess its because in terms of sui yue ru ge, i've been through much more with XMCD

ahh i'm just happy that it was a good performance (:

i want to go out with dance-mates again!
its been very long....


i miss you guys!


thinking about you guys in XMCD really reminded me of those days where we will go out to eat after every single dance practise during intensive
it was just pure fun and laughter
thank you so much, i really love those days
its been one year since i've rehearse a dance with XMCD
i remember how fun it used to be,

i just can't seem and don't want to forget it all.

just when i felt like i don't belong because of all the neglection,
i think all along i've always known that my spirit will always be alive in XMCD.
that i love XMCD (:
-------------

common tests are over!


-------------

Xinthesis is later!

well but first, i have a history paper in less than 2 hours time.
great man. why did i choose to take history?!?!?
i must be crazy lah, don't know what i was thinking when i made that decision.
fine, i like learning about history cos it can be quite interesting,
but i hate hate hate doing the exam paper lah. hate it!

today is gonna be a longgggg day
cos apparently i still have a physics paper tmr
and there is xinthesis tonight.
i will be deprived of my sleep!

but anyway, i really hope that xinthesis will be great.
i remember last year's xinthesis.
it was emotional for me, and i guess it will be the same for the sec 4 & 5 this year.
but no worries , cos you can always go back and perform for xinthesis. like me and ebird haha.
actually i'm not that excited for the performance, cos of the stupid exams..
and it sounds like i'm crazy to still be taking part in xinthesis during common tests.
but seriously, i really love performing, and at that time, i just thought i wouldn't need to take the common tests.
but crap, i still need to take in the end lor.

i hope today's full rehearsal in the afternoon will be productive,
unlike yesterday which was a total waste of my time.
don't understand why some people can be so unreasonable,
i'm not even needed there lah...

okay,
now back to cold war and southeast asia!
-------------

back from the "party" at elizabeth's house
it was quite fun actually.

when i was at the dinner table,
it just reminded me of hongkong.
i miss hongkong.
like the whole atmosphere was just nice.
heartwarming, very cosy, not forgeting hot cos of the hot plate and steamboat.
although the cantonese everywhere made me very blurr but still...

when i'm in hongkong living with elizabeth
i would very much love of invite my friends and classmates over for a dinner like that.
i really love the feeling.
yearn for a simple life like that.

i miss hkapa
even though i've only been there for three days,
i really wanna study in a school like that
i wanna live life like the diploma students i saw when i was there
its so much more appealing for me than the mundane jc life.

i want to be a performer.
i will only want to be a teacher after my performing years are over.
i don't want to go straight into teaching after i get my certs.
and i think that it is possible, its not like i'm wishing for something that is totally impossible.
i don't need to be a famous performer, i don't have to be in the best dance company in the world
i just want to join a good company and dance.
i mean being the best or something is a bonus lah, but its not like a must..cos i know there are tons of better dancers out there.
so i don't want people to think that i'll never make it to be a performer.

saw a quote today,
"keep away from people who belittle your ambition, small people always do that, but the really great, makes you feel that you too can become great" - Mark Twain
-------------

spent my whole day in the library finishing up the written report
and we got scolded by the librarian a few times for being too noisy haha
but we managed to finish it
we are super last minute, cos the deadline is tmr haha.

at elizabeth's house now,
there are quite a few people here and i don't know them
all ebird's parent's friends.

been going back to xinmin dance on monday and tuesday mornings
but it was total BORING-NESS
what a waste of my time.
i think zls thinks i aspire to be a teacher, when did i ever say that?
elizabeth and i were totally rotting there lah,
we went for 6 hours and we only danced for 10 minutes, great man.

i'm just going for the full run on friday
and the teng zhi ye costume is like...not happening.

common tests just totally spoilt my mood for Xinthesis and rehearsals.
i HATE common tests.

recently i've been reading more of the hkapa dancer's blog
and they all blog in some cantonese slang in chinese
so i'm really having a hard time trying to understand what they are writing
cos they don't really make sense to me.

i really hope that i'll get into hkapa this year.
i can tell how exciting life is for the hkapa dancers just by reading their blog and looking at the pictures.

AHH PLEASE LET ME GET IN THIS YEAR!!!!
-------------

happy daddy's day (hey alliteration! oh man, i miss those good old days of literature..)

had honglei practise today
dinghong laoshi is back.
and we had full attendance
its the second time in history hahaha

i enjoyed class (:

well, one more week left to school reopen
which means exams..

but today i just don't feel good at all,
just when i thought everything will be okay,
then one problem suddenly pops up.

i so so so badly want to get into HKAPA this year.
its so unfair, why am i in a disadvantage just because i'm a singaporean
i really really hope that they'll acept me this year
goodness, no one can imagine how important this is to me and how badly badly badly i want it.
-------------

i just can't can't can't concentrate.
i totally have no disipline,
i can't stop thinking about hongkong.

i guess i appear as if i don't really bother much about everything
i may look as if i don't want to talk about it,
but thats cos i just don't want to get even more distracted.

if there wasn't the irritating common test thing,
i guess i'll worry even more than elizabeth.

i tried to keep it at the back of my head,
but its just so so difficult.
i really really wish that i'll get in HKAPA
and i can't do anything about it now except wait.

waiting is a painful process
but if it turns out to be positive,
i'll really just scream and jump for joy.
the thing is, i don't know if it'll turn out to be positive or not.

i want to be as happy as manuel on the day he got his scholarship to HKAPA.

i really hope that both elizabeth and i will get in this year.
really, really hope so.

now,its back to waiting..
and i'm so dead for common tests.
-------------

only two weeks of holidays left
why does holidays always pass so fast
i'm gonna die for my common tests.

today i went with looyee to raffles place, hoping to complete the interview for PW
and we ended up being too early cos everyone was in a meeting,
so we waited and waited. and waited
and we took one hour to find the place,
when we've passed it like a zillion times already,
made us feel so stupid.
anyway didn't really interview them cos they weren't really free to entertain us,
but i'm quite glad that they were willing to help us, so they are going email us instead,
hope i receive an email from them soon

then we had lunch,
and i tried carl's junior for the first time cos looyee was craving for it
it was good, and super filling even though i shared a meal with looyee
and looyee kept exclaiming how delicious the burger tasted haha!

i really should start studying for common test
because time waits for no man.

yesterday i was so glad that i had proper dancing after so long

i really really want to get into HKAPA

-------------

back from hongkong.

the audition on the three days never fail to surprise me with something.
it was quite different from what i had expected
but nevertheless, i guess it was an experience for me.

the remaining two days of the auditions were okay
just that during the third day we were told we had to do a solo each
and i was kind of like, "oh no.."
but they said that we could do it without music and just improvise, it should last around 1-2 mins?
i was one of the first few who had to go in, so i had even lesser time,
in the end i just did some Sui4yue4 stuffs and i added in my own stuffs too.

i guess when i danced infront of them, i wasn't really scared,
just a little worried that what i'm showing them is not what they want.
anyhow, i just tried to do everything properly and taadaa, it was over.
it felt just like dancing through the dance one time in nafa or xinmin.

but i could hear like mumblings between the judges,
and i don't know if thats good or bad..

then we had to wait super long for the interview
when my turn came, i just went in..
and realise that the chair is super far away from the judges, i don't know why too haha.
the interview was alright, more like a casual talk.

right now, the thing that i'm most upset about is that the hongkong government have a quota on foreign students, so the judges told me that they can't make any decisions yet because the quota is not decided yet and that the whole HKAPA will have to share the quota, which means that foreign students like me will have a much slimmer chance to get in.

i'm so so sad.

well, its so ironic that now i don't seem to worry much if my performance during the audition was good or not.
but rather if the quota will allow them to take us in ornot.

i know that nothing can be done at this time.
cos i've already done my part, i've already done all that could be done.

so i really leave it up to god,
leave it to Him to tell his path for me.

i really pray that i will get into HKAPA.
i want to go back to hongkong in August for good..
-------------

so the first day of the audition is over
-------------

For events of Day One in Hongkong
-------------

Ruimin. 15 May. Dancer. The HongKong Academy for Performing Arts

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