One more week to production week.
had a lovely weekend.

hope this week will be more dancing that i can take.
hope my leg doesn't get in the way anymore.

wish i were more talented.
i know i'm for the idea of improving on my own basis,
but yes i still do dream of being like an over acheiver.
and i still wish that my improvement can be a greater leap.
i feel like i'm hopping on the spot and my body isn't being any smarter as the days passes

llloooooaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddssssssssssssss of homework and tests these few weeks.
i'm clueless about some of them, while the others just need a lot of time, effort and commitment.

we finally finished our dance 1 piece.
i think it'll be quite nice if we do it nicely.
i'm a little down about my change of partner, but i know that i'm being selfish just by thinking like that.
its just that its so near to the performance date and he still doesn't have enough strength to hold even himself.
but i trust that things will improve, we just need to practise more together.
i dislike having this feeling of uncertainty when we dance together because we're really not 100% stable. yet (i hope).
but the most important thing when we dance together is trust. so i know i have to trust him, and he will trust me too.
we don't want to ruin the show. we don't want to be taken out.

technique classes is becoming more challenging and i feel like i shouldn't be in this class based on my stupidity mentally and phsically. but i'll give it a shot nevertheless

I need to be more thick skinned.

-------------

那些年，我们一起追过的女孩.

Awesome
I miss secondary school.
the innocence, the laughter, the friends, the memories.


School has been slowly picking up with the slow but still in progress recovery of my leg.
I can't wait for production week with the stop of academic classes for more rehearsals.
I still have second thoughts about going for rehearsals, but at least i don't feel damn shitty about myself yet, which is a good thing considering i'm me.

technique classes haven't been much happy ponies recently, and i'm kind of nervous about class tomorrow because i can't turn right for nuts and i don't know how to help myself other than to just keep trying with the voice of you saying "还没有，没有对" (stares away from you with finger pointing at you) at the back of my head.

having an urge to take contemporary classes for quite some time already. Wanna take a stress-free, happy, laughy, sweaty contemp class.

-------------

the start of another week.
thankful that my leg is feeling better, but i still can't jump a lot.
technique today was feeling more of my body and i enjoyed it.
love feeling the sweat run down my back and having warm blood running through my veins.

shenyun was nice and weird in the sense that the queen is treating me especially nice today and using her angelic voice to speak to me, i feel like something bad might happen because of the sudden nice-ness. but i'm appreciating the politeness at the moment, and i feel like it's so much easier to understand and learn. i hope it lasts, i hope it lasts!

academic wise, this week seems to be a more relaxed week with no tests and homework needed to be handed in. although next week will be busy with choreographic showing and portfolio, i guess i'm gonna choose to just enjoy the moment as it is and think about the other stuffs later.

I think i'm usually quite tolerable with favouritism because its inevitable that it exists in this industry.
but i've never felt so strongly about it until repertory this year. it really makes me question the rehearsal director as a person. i'm starting to have 反感 towards rehearsals no matter how much i love the music and style of this dance. but whatever. right now i just pray that i will do a good job on my part and i really pray that nothing will go wrong during the remaining rehearsal and during the performance. I hope that we'll all dance as a team and work together to make it happen, especially this dance requires so much 默契. I hope i'll have a great time dancing it and i pray that continuous joy and laughter will stay together with us throughout the rehearsals and performances.

having three technique classes straight in a row tomorrow morning, hope that all goes well and that i'll remember to enjoy the process of learning :)

-------------

may the weekend be a good rest for my leg

thankful that today went on quite well for me.
despite the one hour bitching the teachers had about me T.T

enjoyed technique class today, because i felt like i could finally get on with working on myself.
my leg still hurts especially if we do too many jumps or turns on that leg, but other than that, it was less of a hindrance for me as compared to trying to walk for the past few days.
i really pray that it gets well soon, really wanna go all out on turning and jumping soon.

working with the teachers the few days has been more of a challenge for me.
arghhhhh.
don't wanna think about it anymore.

thankful that today is a day of feeling better, physically and mentally.

thank god.

love working and improving on my own basis.
wish the teachers could help more and judge less.

-------------

最近，眼泪流得实在是太多了。
我忍不住，想大哭一场，
想有人抱住我，让我大大声声地哭一场

今天用尽心思上了一堂课，
但却被忽略了，现在的生活，我真的很怕面对
一次又一次的失望，失落，我不知道我还能承受多少。
不久前，什么都好好的在进展，
怎么会在短短的几天内就变成这样

明天的排舞
我真的希望我不会再面对另一个打击。
就算是我求求你了。我的心已经受够了。

我不知道我下一步应该怎么走了。
李瑞敏，你真的要争气。 、
哭也哭过了，但问题还是存在的。

对，我还没到想放弃的时候。
明天，再努力！

-------------

当我发现连个小跳也跳不起，落地也会失控
我心，真的沉下来了。

好不开心，好难过。
心里很着急，着急着复原，但痊愈是需要时间的
我的心却等不了，舞蹈也等不了
这种心情，快把我给逼疯了。

我就快没力量用微笑来撑住每一天，因为我并不快乐。

“我就是看不出你喜欢跳舞，喜欢学习。”
“你这样，跳中国舞不行，去跳现代舞还可以。”

我真的有那么糟糕吗。
No offence, but i really think i deserve to be here more than a lot of other people in the school.
重点是，我对跳舞的热忱，一定不输她们。
我并不是因为自大才会这样说，我是很确定我不是来这里混的，你为什么就是不明白呢？

表面上的积极，对你真的那么重要吗？那这样，跟对你拍马屁有什么分别
不常问问题，不代表我没在想，没在尝试。
在你眼中，有资格上舞台中间的人，也应该都是你所谓“积极，肯学” 的人。

对不起，那我知错了。

-------------

永远也不想再坐堂
看着别人上我应该也在上的课，但我身体却无法跳舞，
那种感觉...心酸得不得了

每次听坐堂的同学说，坐堂会想睡觉，
但我发觉，其实坐堂不会想睡，眼泪只会不停的流下
心里万分辛苦

我好想好想跳舞。
真的好想好想

舞跳多了，可能会麻木。
但一伤了，就能够更加体会得到跳舞对我有多么重要。

我真的觉得人生很喜欢玩弄我
机会难得一到手，下一刻就那么轻易的在手中流失。
伤心，我还能忍。
但失望，我受不了。

这种心里上的折磨，我体会到了
现在可以停止了吗？

-------------

心情低落到极点。

-------------

The weekend.
I wish i could just really let my mind relax for a while after everything thats happened this week.
I don't want to have to deal with the teachers and seniors.
Its so tiring my goodness.

There hasn't been any real joy in learning for too long.
well if this is the kind of learning that has to be enforced on me by my teachers and seniors.
then fine, I just have to clarify that everyone has their own way of learning and this is definately not how i do it. give me some time and i may jolly well be able to adapt to yours.

its never right no matter how i do it.

I'm glad that as stressful and fustrating it may be to take technique class,
i really do think it has progressed to be better than how it started out.
I like the things are we're doing in class, i just think that i'm too stupid to be able to catch up.
may the tough times be over soon.

盛老师说“你自己都不相信自己，你要怎么让别人相信你啊”
hais, i don't know how to put my feelings down in words.

-------------

can't wait to watch Wicked the musical
i'm glad i could go to sleep last night feeling better than the day.
I'm so thankful for friends like the both of you.

finally friday again tomorrow.
This week hasn't been a smooth ride, but i'm hoping things will slowly fall back into place again
Its hard being on your own, in school. in class.
Its hard, but i'll try.

-------------

Its raining heavily outside as i'm sitting in my room
i may be safe from the rain thats pouring outside,
but inside me the rain is pouring just as heavily.

I feel like i'm on the verge of breaking down trying to adapt to everything thats happened this year.
Its too much for me to take psycologically.
I can't catch up, and its not only fustrating, its demoralising as well.
I'm running behind everyone and panting so crazily i really want to stop running but i can't, if not i'll just be left behind.
sometimes i wish someone in the front will just give me a shout out and encourage me to keep on going.
i can't talk to myself anymore, i'm really not gonna convince myself.

“老师们都说你们这一班都好像笨笨的”
“你们太乖了”

i don't whether to laugh or cry.

-------------

I feel like a mediocre
I so badly wanna at least be good in something.
I'm just walking around the hallways of the academy feeling like a nobody.

Its so diffucult to excel in something.
I don't have to be at the top, but i really wanna at least be amongst the better ones.
Sometimes i hate this competitiveness in me, it spoils everything really.
I enjoy dancing, and many a times, i really don't want this competitiveness in me to affect me.

I bother, I get affected, and I'll get jealous.

I hate this about myself. really.

I wanna dance on my own basis, improve on my own basis. and i want to feel proud and happy when i've done my best.
but no.
i'll always be hungry for more even though i know that at that very moment, i've done the best that i could.

It couldn't be any better even if you turn back time, but i'm always not satisfied.
I'm not satisfied with myself.

I always feel like i need to take the initiative to fight for things that i want.
but seriously Li Ruimin. what makes you think that you're so good.
Hah. ironic. I don't even think i'm good enough, and yet i constantly feel like i need to prove to people that i'm good.

Sometimes i really hope opportunities will come to me and i promise i'll work hard. I really will.
Yes even though i'll open up my stupid mouth to sell myself, but hey i'm not comfortable doing that okay.

I hate this struggle within me. dancing with the seniors makes me feel like i don't have a place anywhere because i'm just a peuny arrogant junior.

It matters to me.

i feel like nothing good has come out of this school year yet.
and it just gets me down.
To put on a face that says everything is fine and school is great, hais. stop it please. I can't even stand myself.

today during 水袖, there was a moment where i felt like i really am dancing and i just wanna keep on going. i was surprised, because i didn't think i will ever feel like that in 水袖, but i did. and nothing the emperess dowager said today can make me feel like punching her. omg. pure magic.

I feel like a loner in school.
I don't feel like i don't have friends. I just feel like....
I don't belong in any clique of friends. and really i'm just a back up plan.

I really wanna work hard for Dance 1
I wanna work hard with everyone.
But why do i feel like we're all scattered everywhere during rehearsals.
It doesn't even feel like we have a common goal to acheive something for our piece.

As tiring as it may be for last year's Dance 1
at least i really feel like the 12 of us are working really hard together to make it happen for our piece.

Its often the rehearsal process that i enjoy most when we're preparing for the performance. Like how i really like rehearsing for cadence with the huay kuan people. Even though our performance kind of suck shit, but i really really really enjoyed and love the whole process. It was really filled with sweat and tears that were totally worth it.

I hope this Dance 1 will be like that (the rehearsing part i mean, not the performance suck shit part)
I really hope.

Its getting more and more difficult to push myself.
Its so diffcult oh my goodness.
I feel like i need to learn how to dance all over again.
Its really difficult to keep encouraging myself and believing in myself when i just wanna look away seeing myself dance in the mirror.

but still
Life is good.
I just need to learn how to climb up with more ease and not let myself slide back down.

-------------

Life has changed

i'm not very sure if i'm enjoying it, but i guess it still hasn't killed me, yet.

Finally a fourth year student, its so weird sometimes when i think of it.
I feel like i've been in school for so long but i've not learnt a lot.
well experienced a lot maybe, but my body hasn't learned much
going for pei laoshi's class everyday sure makes it even more obvious

i don't like it. i don't like havening friends who are just hi-bye and maybe occasionally some juicy gossips here and there
i don't like going for technique classes and shenyun classes where you aren't able to learn from your mistakes. i don't like the kind of pressure and judgement that you give and asume that you are always right. hello, we shouldn't be practising traditional pedagogy here...especially in apa.
i wonder why must you talk in circles when the point that you are trying to make can be said so bluntly.

i'm sorry i just can't adapt to your style of learning, but i'm trying, really.

please don't let it be mind games year 2 all over again. it sucks.

i truly believe that i could learn so much better last year because you weren't there to poke your nose into everything. even though folk can be boring at times but its so funny i feel like i can ask whenever i'm unsure or in difficulty.

i'm not scared of you, i just feel like you never seem to understand where i'm coming from whenever i approach you for help. you don't ever trust anyone do you. oh wait, i forgot you have your beloved boys to make your teaching life so much more worth it. sorry i'm a student student who doesn't know how to learn. thank you for telling me where i suck at and not try to help. thanks

last saturday, lumi laoshi asked me, "瑞敏，你怎样了？上课还上得开心吗？"
ha.ha.ha. i don't know how to answer her.
even though i felt like last year was just a year of technique class filled with forced turn out and various methods of making your body more prone to injuries, but i feel like at the very least, my body movement has been acknowledged, right or wrong, at least our communication is clear.

but its been one month, with technique classes every school day, and yet, i feel like i cannot even decribe the way to go about doing a single movement in our class and which muscle to use and where is all the 线 in our body, and all the chimalogy about where to 松 and 提

i need help.

教学法is just another big headache. i seriously don't understand why you kept emphasizing that its normal and alright to make mistakes when in actual fact you just judge and shoot back at me whenever mistakes are made.
i really want to go to class to learn and not be tested even before i learn
i don't expect you to spoonfeed me, i just need some guidance.

渐渐的
我没冲劲了，怎么办？

-------------

One more week to production week.
had a lovely weekend.

hope this week will be more dancing that i can take.
hope my leg doesn't get in the way anymore.

wish i were more talented.
i know i'm for the idea of improving on my own basis,
but yes i still do dream of being like an over acheiver.
and i still wish that my improvement can be a greater leap.
i feel like i'm hopping on the spot and my body isn't being any smarter as the days passes

llloooooaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddssssssssssssss of homework and tests these few weeks.
i'm clueless about some of them, while the others just need a lot of time, effort and commitment.

we finally finished our dance 1 piece.
i think it'll be quite nice if we do it nicely.
i'm a little down about my change of partner, but i know that i'm being selfish just by thinking like that.
its just that its so near to the performance date and he still doesn't have enough strength to hold even himself.
but i trust that things will improve, we just need to practise more together.
i dislike having this feeling of uncertainty when we dance together because we're really not 100% stable. yet (i hope).
but the most important thing when we dance together is trust. so i know i have to trust him, and he will trust me too.
we don't want to ruin the show. we don't want to be taken out.

technique classes is becoming more challenging and i feel like i shouldn't be in this class based on my stupidity mentally and phsically. but i'll give it a shot nevertheless

I need to be more thick skinned.




-------------

那些年，我们一起追过的女孩.

Awesome
I miss secondary school.
the innocence, the laughter, the friends, the memories.


School has been slowly picking up with the slow but still in progress recovery of my leg.
I can't wait for production week with the stop of academic classes for more rehearsals.
I still have second thoughts about going for rehearsals, but at least i don't feel damn shitty about myself yet, which is a good thing considering i'm me.

technique classes haven't been much happy ponies recently, and i'm kind of nervous about class tomorrow because i can't turn right for nuts and i don't know how to help myself other than to just keep trying with the voice of you saying "还没有，没有对" (stares away from you with finger pointing at you) at the back of my head.

having an urge to take contemporary classes for quite some time already. Wanna take a stress-free, happy, laughy, sweaty contemp class.




-------------

the start of another week.
thankful that my leg is feeling better, but i still can't jump a lot.
technique today was feeling more of my body and i enjoyed it.
love feeling the sweat run down my back and having warm blood running through my veins.

shenyun was nice and weird in the sense that the queen is treating me especially nice today and using her angelic voice to speak to me, i feel like something bad might happen because of the sudden nice-ness. but i'm appreciating the politeness at the moment, and i feel like it's so much easier to understand and learn. i hope it lasts, i hope it lasts!

academic wise, this week seems to be a more relaxed week with no tests and homework needed to be handed in. although next week will be busy with choreographic showing and portfolio, i guess i'm gonna choose to just enjoy the moment as it is and think about the other stuffs later.

I think i'm usually quite tolerable with favouritism because its inevitable that it exists in this industry.
but i've never felt so strongly about it until repertory this year. it really makes me question the rehearsal director as a person. i'm starting to have 反感 towards rehearsals no matter how much i love the music and style of this dance. but whatever. right now i just pray that i will do a good job on my part and i really pray that nothing will go wrong during the remaining rehearsal and during the performance. I hope that we'll all dance as a team and work together to make it happen, especially this dance requires so much 默契. I hope i'll have a great time dancing it and i pray that continuous joy and laughter will stay together with us throughout the rehearsals and performances.

having three technique classes straight in a row tomorrow morning, hope that all goes well and that i'll remember to enjoy the process of learning :)
-------------

may the weekend be a good rest for my leg

thankful that today went on quite well for me.
despite the one hour bitching the teachers had about me T.T

enjoyed technique class today, because i felt like i could finally get on with working on myself.
my leg still hurts especially if we do too many jumps or turns on that leg, but other than that, it was less of a hindrance for me as compared to trying to walk for the past few days.
i really pray that it gets well soon, really wanna go all out on turning and jumping soon.

working with the teachers the few days has been more of a challenge for me.
arghhhhh.
don't wanna think about it anymore.

thankful that today is a day of feeling better, physically and mentally.

thank god.

love working and improving on my own basis.
wish the teachers could help more and judge less.
-------------

最近，眼泪流得实在是太多了。
我忍不住，想大哭一场，
想有人抱住我，让我大大声声地哭一场

今天用尽心思上了一堂课，
但却被忽略了，现在的生活，我真的很怕面对
一次又一次的失望，失落，我不知道我还能承受多少。
不久前，什么都好好的在进展，
怎么会在短短的几天内就变成这样

明天的排舞
我真的希望我不会再面对另一个打击。
就算是我求求你了。我的心已经受够了。

我不知道我下一步应该怎么走了。
李瑞敏，你真的要争气。 、
哭也哭过了，但问题还是存在的。

对，我还没到想放弃的时候。
明天，再努力！
-------------

当我发现连个小跳也跳不起，落地也会失控
我心，真的沉下来了。

好不开心，好难过。
心里很着急，着急着复原，但痊愈是需要时间的
我的心却等不了，舞蹈也等不了
这种心情，快把我给逼疯了。

我就快没力量用微笑来撑住每一天，因为我并不快乐。

“我就是看不出你喜欢跳舞，喜欢学习。”
“你这样，跳中国舞不行，去跳现代舞还可以。”

我真的有那么糟糕吗。
No offence, but i really think i deserve to be here more than a lot of other people in the school.
重点是，我对跳舞的热忱，一定不输她们。
我并不是因为自大才会这样说，我是很确定我不是来这里混的，你为什么就是不明白呢？

表面上的积极，对你真的那么重要吗？那这样，跟对你拍马屁有什么分别
不常问问题，不代表我没在想，没在尝试。
在你眼中，有资格上舞台中间的人，也应该都是你所谓“积极，肯学” 的人。

对不起，那我知错了。


-------------

永远也不想再坐堂
看着别人上我应该也在上的课，但我身体却无法跳舞，
那种感觉...心酸得不得了

每次听坐堂的同学说，坐堂会想睡觉，
但我发觉，其实坐堂不会想睡，眼泪只会不停的流下
心里万分辛苦

我好想好想跳舞。
真的好想好想

舞跳多了，可能会麻木。
但一伤了，就能够更加体会得到跳舞对我有多么重要。

我真的觉得人生很喜欢玩弄我
机会难得一到手，下一刻就那么轻易的在手中流失。
伤心，我还能忍。
但失望，我受不了。

这种心里上的折磨，我体会到了
现在可以停止了吗？
-------------

心情低落到极点。
-------------

The weekend.
I wish i could just really let my mind relax for a while after everything thats happened this week.
I don't want to have to deal with the teachers and seniors.
Its so tiring my goodness.

There hasn't been any real joy in learning for too long.
well if this is the kind of learning that has to be enforced on me by my teachers and seniors.
then fine, I just have to clarify that everyone has their own way of learning and this is definately not how i do it. give me some time and i may jolly well be able to adapt to yours.

its never right no matter how i do it.

I'm glad that as stressful and fustrating it may be to take technique class,
i really do think it has progressed to be better than how it started out.
I like the things are we're doing in class, i just think that i'm too stupid to be able to catch up.
may the tough times be over soon.

盛老师说“你自己都不相信自己，你要怎么让别人相信你啊”
hais, i don't know how to put my feelings down in words.
-------------

can't wait to watch Wicked the musical
i'm glad i could go to sleep last night feeling better than the day.
I'm so thankful for friends like the both of you.

finally friday again tomorrow.
This week hasn't been a smooth ride, but i'm hoping things will slowly fall back into place again
Its hard being on your own, in school. in class.
Its hard, but i'll try.


-------------

Its raining heavily outside as i'm sitting in my room
i may be safe from the rain thats pouring outside,
but inside me the rain is pouring just as heavily.

I feel like i'm on the verge of breaking down trying to adapt to everything thats happened this year.
Its too much for me to take psycologically.
I can't catch up, and its not only fustrating, its demoralising as well.
I'm running behind everyone and panting so crazily i really want to stop running but i can't, if not i'll just be left behind.
sometimes i wish someone in the front will just give me a shout out and encourage me to keep on going.
i can't talk to myself anymore, i'm really not gonna convince myself.

“老师们都说你们这一班都好像笨笨的”
“你们太乖了”

i don't whether to laugh or cry.







-------------

I feel like a mediocre
I so badly wanna at least be good in something.
I'm just walking around the hallways of the academy feeling like a nobody.

Its so diffucult to excel in something.
I don't have to be at the top, but i really wanna at least be amongst the better ones.
Sometimes i hate this competitiveness in me, it spoils everything really.
I enjoy dancing, and many a times, i really don't want this competitiveness in me to affect me.

I bother, I get affected, and I'll get jealous.

I hate this about myself. really.

I wanna dance on my own basis, improve on my own basis. and i want to feel proud and happy when i've done my best.
but no.
i'll always be hungry for more even though i know that at that very moment, i've done the best that i could.

It couldn't be any better even if you turn back time, but i'm always not satisfied.
I'm not satisfied with myself.

I always feel like i need to take the initiative to fight for things that i want.
but seriously Li Ruimin. what makes you think that you're so good.
Hah. ironic. I don't even think i'm good enough, and yet i constantly feel like i need to prove to people that i'm good.

Sometimes i really hope opportunities will come to me and i promise i'll work hard. I really will.
Yes even though i'll open up my stupid mouth to sell myself, but hey i'm not comfortable doing that okay.

I hate this struggle within me. dancing with the seniors makes me feel like i don't have a place anywhere because i'm just a peuny arrogant junior.

It matters to me.

i feel like nothing good has come out of this school year yet.
and it just gets me down.
To put on a face that says everything is fine and school is great, hais. stop it please. I can't even stand myself.

today during 水袖, there was a moment where i felt like i really am dancing and i just wanna keep on going. i was surprised, because i didn't think i will ever feel like that in 水袖, but i did. and nothing the emperess dowager said today can make me feel like punching her. omg. pure magic.

I feel like a loner in school.
I don't feel like i don't have friends. I just feel like....
I don't belong in any clique of friends. and really i'm just a back up plan.

I really wanna work hard for Dance 1
I wanna work hard with everyone.
But why do i feel like we're all scattered everywhere during rehearsals.
It doesn't even feel like we have a common goal to acheive something for our piece.

As tiring as it may be for last year's Dance 1
at least i really feel like the 12 of us are working really hard together to make it happen for our piece.

Its often the rehearsal process that i enjoy most when we're preparing for the performance. Like how i really like rehearsing for cadence with the huay kuan people. Even though our performance kind of suck shit, but i really really really enjoyed and love the whole process. It was really filled with sweat and tears that were totally worth it.

I hope this Dance 1 will be like that (the rehearsing part i mean, not the performance suck shit part)
I really hope.

Its getting more and more difficult to push myself.
Its so diffcult oh my goodness.
I feel like i need to learn how to dance all over again.
Its really difficult to keep encouraging myself and believing in myself when i just wanna look away seeing myself dance in the mirror.

but still
Life is good.
I just need to learn how to climb up with more ease and not let myself slide back down.

-------------

Life has changed

i'm not very sure if i'm enjoying it, but i guess it still hasn't killed me, yet.

Finally a fourth year student, its so weird sometimes when i think of it.
I feel like i've been in school for so long but i've not learnt a lot.
well experienced a lot maybe, but my body hasn't learned much
going for pei laoshi's class everyday sure makes it even more obvious

i don't like it. i don't like havening friends who are just hi-bye and maybe occasionally some juicy gossips here and there
i don't like going for technique classes and shenyun classes where you aren't able to learn from your mistakes. i don't like the kind of pressure and judgement that you give and asume that you are always right. hello, we shouldn't be practising traditional pedagogy here...especially in apa.
i wonder why must you talk in circles when the point that you are trying to make can be said so bluntly.

i'm sorry i just can't adapt to your style of learning, but i'm trying, really.

please don't let it be mind games year 2 all over again. it sucks.

i truly believe that i could learn so much better last year because you weren't there to poke your nose into everything. even though folk can be boring at times but its so funny i feel like i can ask whenever i'm unsure or in difficulty.

i'm not scared of you, i just feel like you never seem to understand where i'm coming from whenever i approach you for help. you don't ever trust anyone do you. oh wait, i forgot you have your beloved boys to make your teaching life so much more worth it. sorry i'm a student student who doesn't know how to learn. thank you for telling me where i suck at and not try to help. thanks

last saturday, lumi laoshi asked me, "瑞敏，你怎样了？上课还上得开心吗？"
ha.ha.ha. i don't know how to answer her.
even though i felt like last year was just a year of technique class filled with forced turn out and various methods of making your body more prone to injuries, but i feel like at the very least, my body movement has been acknowledged, right or wrong, at least our communication is clear.

but its been one month, with technique classes every school day, and yet, i feel like i cannot even decribe the way to go about doing a single movement in our class and which muscle to use and where is all the 线 in our body, and all the chimalogy about where to 松 and 提

i need help.

教学法is just another big headache. i seriously don't understand why you kept emphasizing that its normal and alright to make mistakes when in actual fact you just judge and shoot back at me whenever mistakes are made.
i really want to go to class to learn and not be tested even before i learn
i don't expect you to spoonfeed me, i just need some guidance.

渐渐的
我没冲劲了，怎么办？
-------------

Ruimin. 15 May. Dancer. The HongKong Academy for Performing Arts

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