blogging for the second time today!

i want to blog because i want to say..

i really really feel like going to nafa to dance now.
i am SO in the mood
and i love this year's zu3 he2
i miss going there.
although i just went yesterday

and there are only 5 more practises to syf
go go xinmin chinese dance!
i'm looking forward to syf!!
but i don wanna step down lah

suddenly,
i have this feeling to dance now!!

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i think i'm feeling better already
but my voice haven't totally recover yet

well today the presentation was not bad.
good job munling and nelson!!
and thanks to miss chan and farah too
miss chan was so nice to fetch us home after that haha

yesterday was kinda nice
after school i took bus home with nicole
and then it started to rain
so we just sat at the bus stop
and we talked for two hours
so nice!!
its like...very relaxing
i think its very nice to just sit down with your friends and talk
i like that feeling (:

then i was worried that i might be late for nafa
so i quickly went home
then met limin at bugis and walked to nafa

WE DID DAI ZU WU (MAN BAN) !!
yes (:
i really love that dance!
the more i hear the music
the more i love it
the music is so nice!!

and i think my yao1 is aching today because of yesterday
i feel that i'm starting to like this year's zu3 he2
hehes (:

i'm excited about syf!

i think laoshi is very pretty

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i feel like a burden.
to those around me,
my friends, my family..

like today i was feeling super not good in school
and i had to trouble rose to accompany me to the office
its like, can't i do it myself?
and then my maid had to come to school to pick me

i only had maths lessons in school then i went home already
my throat was KILLING me
and my voice is like getting worse already

oh yea and i still have literature presentation this saturday
how am i suppose to present?
i knew i didnt want to go right from the beginning.
but since i'm going,
shall make the best out of it then.

i want to go to school
i want to enjoy school
i want to dance.

learning journey tmr is cancelled

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as much as i want to blog
i guess my body just dont allow me
i hate it when i'm sick
syf how?

so i lost my voice today in school
as in, really really lost my voice
i couldn't even speak lah
those people sitting around me should know
especially rose, kept teasing me lor

but during cca,
it got a teeny weeny bit better

i hardly survive in school today.

i miss dancing so much.

seeing the seniors who came back today,
it made me realise how fast i am going to step down .
and.....i just can't bear to.
i love xinmin chinese dance

unknowingly,
syf bonded the dancers,
to make them feel like a part of xinmin chinese dance.
no matter how ununited we may look on the outside.
i'm sure everyone of us have a common goal.
a goal to do our very best on the actual day.
we are all working as hard together,
and i see more and more people practising on their own
asking people for help.

keep on working hard!
its the final stretch!
and i know it will pay off (:

i am proud to say that we are just so close so close so so very close
to getting that honours!

just watch us soar! (:

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well, what can i say?
i'm sick. physically lah
and i didn't go to school today

had very bad headache and sore throat
and my head is still spinning

i almost couldn't survive yesterday at T.A.T
and i was feeling so bad lah..
anyway went to hlgcc after dinner
and we learnt hua yao zu
its simple. and sort of fun
met quite alot of people too

oh and i have two tests tmr
and i wonder how am i going to study for it.

argh syf is coming and i had to fall sick
and we are having napfa 2.4 this friday

hope i can survive school and cca tmr

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im having troubles with my blog

well, nafa today was kinda fun
cos we did jumps and stuffs
but it was fun because it feels great to dance at nafa again after the one week break

but we didnt do dai zu wu
which is so sad.

anyway good luck to jaguar for sports heats tmr!
hope we will do great haha

haha oh please relink me!
i changed the url because there is a dash in it
so many people were not able to read
so yup,
now it is dash-less
hahha

i'm feeling tired
goodnight

-------------

im having troubles with my blog

well, nafa today was kinda fun
cos we did jumps and stuffs
but it was fun because it feels great to dance at nafa again after the one week break

but we didnt do dai zu wu
which is so sad.

anyway good luck to jaguar for sports heats tmr!
hope we will do great haha

haha oh please relink me!
i changed the url because there is a dash in it
so many people were not able to read
so yup,
now it is dash-less
hahha

i'm feeling tired
goodnight

-------------

finally get to use the internet.
my internet was down yesterday,
so i didnt manage to blog
but anyway, life is more or less the same everyday

cca yesterday was terrible
but yah, i learnt alot

hmm...have i ever said that cca went well?
not really right?
haha, shall wait patiently for that day to come (:

oh yah i went to run with junyi and rose during recess today
and it was kinda fun
my first time mah
i wanna run again!

mondays and thursdays are very long days
we have lessons until so late
and its tiring
but i'm trying to conentrate lah

i need more sleep!
i'm feeling kind of tired in class nowadays
and tuition was great just now
mr ng is so funny

haha,
i need my sleep now.

goodnight (:

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well todays lessons were as normal
and obviously there are more tests coming up,
like we have three next week already
and they are subjects that need to memorize alot
but, its cos i'm sec four already lah.

okay i think i'm gonna blog about cca today,
cos theres nothing interesting that happened during lessons.
they are all the same everyday

hmm...during cca,
laoshi commented on our rehearsal video.
obviously it was not up to standard,
but that was before the chinese new year.
i think we improved after the intensive,
which is good (:
but not good enough.

i mean, i know we dance to enjoy
to relax.
but afterall, its still a competition

but as much as i'm enthu about cca now,
after syf, i know i must tone down alot
because O'levels is still my piority.
i want my As

anyway, just do your best during syf
because no matter what happens
i've truely enjoyed myself during all the trainings
it has been such a wonderful experience (:

as compared to others,
our school have very little practises
i want more practise!!
i want to have practises until 8+ at night
i dont mind if there isn't a teacher
i mean, we can have self-practise

i just want the dance room to be open for us to use and practise in.

cos seriously
5 hours a week is definately not enough!
like other schools are working so hard
training so many times a week
but us?
so slack

as much as many of the dancers want to practise more,
but theres nothing we can do
because we cant use the room,
we dont have the space
aiyah, its not up to us anyway

so, we should really cherish the little amount of time we have in the room
and with teacher (:

aiyah i also don't know what i want to say,
i'm so confused

-------------

i think my life is in a mess now.

i never knew how much it mattered to me
until both of us slowly drifted apart.
and yes i agree that it has come to a stage when both of us could no longer care.

i remembered we used to tell each other
that no matter what happens,
we will still be as close to each other.
that we must not let any thing stop us from being the bestest friends in the world

but i guess since we both gone to different classes,
things weren't the same anymore.
we hardly got the chance to see each other.
our recesses were different in the sense that by the time i reached the canteen,
all of you had already eaten and going back to class.
we are not in the same cca.
our timetables are so different that we cannot go back home together.
and...we are so caught up with our own lives

that we forgot each other.

i'm so sorry that all these has happened
its partly my fault too.

and i still remember that we never fought once
and we were so proud of that.
i never once thought that our relationship will come to what it is today.

all the secrets we've shared.
memories we had.
sticking together through thick and thin.
enduring all the scoldings together from our teachers, parents, instructors.
crying together
sharing our joy with other.
doing the best projects together.
we had so much fun just being beside each other.
we dont have to talk to feel each other's company,
and i feel just as happy to know that you are beside me.
whenever something happens
you will be the first person i run to
we promised never to keep any secrets from each other
i learn to rely on you.

you made me realise, for the first time in my life,
what a true friend really is.

and now looking at the state of our friendship,
i can't help but cry to myself
and i seriously dont know why,
but as i'm typing this,
i'm literally crying like crazy

if only i had the chance to turn back time
and choose my subject combination again.
i will definately choose the same combination as you,
so that we wont have to be streamed into different classes
because seriously,
without you
i wouldn't be able to have as much fun as i had during my lower sec days.

i'm not as happy as how i was when you were there.
remember the days we spent mugging together
the days where we will call each other and talk on the phone forever
the days where we slept over at each other's house
the days we will go out together because we want to catch up and spend time with each other
the days where we gossip about everything and anything
the days where people associate me with you, and you with me
we had so much faith in each other
that we could tell each other even our deepest darkest secrets.

its scary to see how both of us can drift so so far apart
that we are no different from strangers

maybe both of us should start putting in some effort
to turn things around
because i know clearly,
that deep down in my heart,
i still want us to be best friends,
and i cherish this friendship ALOT.

wanling,
i miss you

-------------

hello everyone.
theres school tmr and i'm dreading it!

why must there be so many maths paper???
i bet after the june holidays i will forget how to do the questions
and i have to revise all over again.
so whats the use??

there are so many tests next week
and i dont want to fail!

heard there are many casualties for the a.maths test.
i bet i'm one of them because i only know a few questions
hahha

so today turned out to be better than i thought.
and i realise that my passion for dance is coming back!
i thought i have lost it
but i'm looking forward to next dance class now!
and i want to dance 傣族舞，慢版 (:

i love 神韵
i want to do more 神韵!!
and i hate my 软度
so irritatingly lousy

really hope O'levels will pass real soon
i'm looking forward to the day when my piority will be dance
and not O'levels

on friday, we went to the dance room after lunch to play!
and its so nice because you can do whatever dance stuffs you want
and you have so much space!
no one will be staring at you like you are crazy or something

and we took pictures!
hahah






















yes i know i'm short.

hahah i love chinese dance!!

i remember laoshi always say
" 艺术来自于生活，但是艺术却高于生活 "

i want to be onstage now (:

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argh i hate my brother.

stayed-over in the school yesterday
it was fun other than the fact that i felt super sticky and uncomfortable

we played in the old dance room
but it was super dirty as well

well, dance intensive is over
and its my last dance intensive in xinmin.
i miss it already.

syf is confirm on 16 april.
which means we have an extra one week to practise.
and we have 8 more dance practice before its our big big day.
are we good enough yet?

i'm getting worried.

but i still love to dance.

-------------

woke up early for cca today
hmm..tmr is the last day.
so fast, and i'm going to step down soon ):
hmm, can say i had fun with the dancers today
went crazy after cca

we had pizza!
and then went out to buy drinks
and we were going crazy on the way there
watched some videos in the dance room
the dance room so comfortable
i want to have camp there!

oh that reminds me,
i have opera camp tomorrow

and there are loads of test next week!
i'm going to die trying to understand all the maths and physics

i'm going for tuition later!
i mean, very soon
gonna leave in a few minutes.

oh yah,
we watched our rehearsal video today too
and i think it is very messy!
anyway jiayou bah!

hope we will do a thousand times better than the rehearsal!
going for tuition le, bye!

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i woke up in the late morning today
because i dont have to go school early in the morning
like finally (:

so i slacked around
then got changed and went for cca.
today SO many people didnt turn up to practise
so its kinda hard to do the whole dance once
so in the end never lah

anyway, i think today was the first time i went for cca with a heavy heart.
i was so afraid that yesterday would repeat itself
and everyone's effort will go down the drain.
but i guess its because so many people were absent today
so we didnt do jumps and warm up properly
and didnt sweat as much

yesterday everyone was sweating like crazy in the hall
so stuffy lah!
and the floor is horribly dirty..eww.

i remember halfway during the dance yesterday,
i saw puddles of sweat on the floor
and i had to roll over it
i was like...gross!
but its the result of our efforts lah (:

having pizza for lunch with all the dancers tmr
then we are going to watch videos!
i want to see our rehearsal video
i think we will get to see it.

my class went for learning journey today
wonder if they had fun?
hahha i wanna go

oh and cca is 8.30 tmr
so i have to wake up early.

hope tomorrow will go well.
PLEASE dont let anything bad happen
please make it a successful one!

jiayou!

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i'm terribly sorry to all chinese dancers in the syf.

i'm so so so sorry.
its my fault.
i'm sorry if laoshi was disappointed with us,
because it was because of me that made her so unhappy today

i'm really sorry.

remember a few posts ago,
i was talking about how people can just break down on the spot during dance practise?
i never knew it would be my turn so soon.

i'm sorry, i just....couldn't control myself.
i felt super bad and guilty for pulling the whole standard down today.

and if i didnt reply you guys when you talked to me,
its because i'm afraid if i talk,
i will just cry even more.
sorry, its not that i want to neglect you guys

i rather go to the toilet alone.

i'm so sorry to make you guys suffer because of me,
i feel bad.

where's the motivation i had in me?
where is it?
where is my disipline to work hard and always improve myself?

where is my confidence?

i've let SO many people down.

to laoshi,
i'm sorry.

i will do better, much better starting from tomorrow.
all it takes to pull the standard up again.

i really will, please trust me.

-------------

today was....???

woke up in the morning to go to school for the literature presentation thing,
only to realise that miss chan and nelson were terribly late.
so me and farah waited like forever.
we were doing the powerpoint slides
and nelson kept making me and farah laugh with all his stupid actions.
but we still managed to finish quite alot
so, thats good

then went for cca.
its was...i don't know
me and alicia always talk about the dance when we are preparing at the side.
and today it was TOTALLY BELOW OUR EXPECTATIONS.
and whats more, our expectations are already very low.
and the standard today is even lower!
like..when are we ever gonna realise how urgent this is?!

but its still heartwarming to see people trying(:

i felt that the dance room was very stuffy at the beginning.
everyone was sweating like crazy.
but i like this feeling!

so later i found out some stuffs..
and i'm super fustrated with my flexibility and height.
why can't i be more flexible?
why can't i just be a little taller?
why why why??

i hate myself.

why is it in my genes?
that extra 2cm is just so important
and i'm......ARGH.
its gonna affect me ALOT.

sometimes passion just isn't enough,

its just so cruel.

-------------

i had fun today!
totally love my dance-mates!!

went to nicole's ballet open class today
and nicole did great!
she got praised a couple of times
wow *claps claps*

anyway met them outside school at around 3.30pm
then we took a bus there
and we were fooling around in the bus
talking about crazy things
then we went to the dance room
and nicole's class had a lot of students
and they were all wearing different colour leotards and skirts
so the whole class is like very colourful

started out with barre exercises
and then classical, free movements
then character
nicole look nice when she dances ballet
i can tell she really loves it alot
and i'm glad (:

haha then we went to have dinner
and i think all of us were in the crazy mood
especially during the part where we took neoprints
i laugh until i got stomach aches

i really love going out with dance-mates
i had so much fun!
i wanna spend more time with them!! (:
go out another time okay?

something funny always happens when i'm with them
and the great thing is,
we all have a common interest,
DANCE!

i haven't felt this way for a long long LONG TIME.
like recently, its been so stressful
and i'm totally weighed down
felt so terrible inside

but today i felt so happy inside
and i was kind of like couldn't bear to leave and go home
like..you know that feeling?
its like you still want to be with your friends for a while more
going out with the dancers makes me feel more cheerful

thank you so much
i feel happy to have such great friends (:

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open class is over

today early in the morning something super sway happened to me
ahahha..i really very "lucky" arh
anyway was looking forward to going home after school
then after school i straight away go home haha
then slacked at home for a while
took an afternoon nap.

then went to pack my bag,
ate dinner then i left the house
met limin at bugis and we walked to nafa together

well...open class was....BAD and good
its bad because i forget ALOT ALOT of movements
so i was like guilty and sad throughout
its like i think i was kind of nervous
so i forget the movements in that moment
anyway i was trembling at times

BUT

something that cheered me up ALOT
was WE DID DAI ZU WU!!!
i really dont know why
but i felt so much happier after we did dai zu
cos i totally love that dance!!
hehes
i'm a happy girl now

i wished we did dai zu every lesson

hmm..okay so next week i'm going to have cca on every week day
and i have tons and tons of homework

but i see dance as a form of releasing stress
and i really love dancing
(especially dai zu)
okay enough of that haha

anyway to rose,
i still like sitting next to you
and i'm not angry or what at what you guys did
cos i understand its not like you guys are critisizing her
its just....for fun lah
life IS boring at times (:

okay i'm still in the happy mood
due to the side effect of dai zu wu
goodnight (:

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nothing interesting happening to me lately.

i feel sleepy in school
and there are ALOT ALOT of maths homework during the holidays
i dont think i will have time to finish all
and maths was very brain-draining today

anyway after school,
i packed my english file
and the classroom only left with the few of us.
chatted with rose
then bengkoon and malvina played with the phone
and we had such a good laugh

went for cca after that
we are still not good
and we are 33 days
and 11 trainings away from syf
please let everything go smoothly

this friday is open class
my mother says she is coming.

i can't remember all the steps!!
but i still love dai zu (:
i am going to embaress myself infront of all the parents.

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didnt blog for one day,
i apologize for that,
i'm sorry.

anyway today school was just the same.
just lessons and more lessons
and more lessons.

so after school had CCA!
well, mrs lim came in
and she saw the whole dance
then she talked to us.
anyway so many of us miss her so much
she told us alot of things

there are still quite a few not so strong ones in the dance
i really hope every single one us will immerse into the dance,
sometimes i wonder,
does every single one of the syf dancers understand the importance of this?
or do they just treat it as a burden?

then wei laoshi talked to us,
followed my zou laoshi
anyway i think wei laoshi said something like
"as long as we try our best, whether we win the honours or not is another thing,
but we must use the honours as a goal,
and work towards it.
so it means that both are important as well"

hmm, actually i have loads of feelings i want to write out.
but i guess i shall not bore you guys with cca stuffs lah,
since not everyone is interested in knowing how i feel bout this

anyway, i want to go and sleep now
so.. bye! (:

oh yah, thank you for reading my blog!
really appreciate you taking you time off to read it hehes
will blog more often (:

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just came back from tuition
and munling didnt come today
for dunno what reason

i'm going out later!
but i cant go to miss chan's house ):
i want to go lah
i heard she is gonna give us expensive and nice chocolates
yum yum.

school is still as stressful as ever.
lessons that last till like 4+ really makes me wanna die
my march holidays is gonna be filled with loads of maths
we have so many practise papers
and there are loads of tuition work to do as well

i hope i know how to do them haha.

i guess i'm feeling better already
i want to have a positive attitude!
theres no use brooding over things thats happen.
i'll just have to do better the next time round hehe

i've seen people just breaking down on the spot
because they got scolded during practise
and they just cannot get the movements right
when i see things like this happening,
somehow i feel so sad for them
and i know how they feel
its like you are already trying so hard
and you really wish to do well
but somehow you just cannot.

but despite these,
after some practises,
when you hear teacher saying things like you've improve
and you are doing really well,
you feel over the moon.
you dont really show it on the outside
because you dont want to appear as arrogant
but deep inside you
you know you are happy
and just...contented.

its these kind of feelings that makes you want to do better and better and even better.
your passion for dance just pushes you to go on.

i really want to perform now.
the make-up, the costumes, the hair,
the stage, lightings, backstage.
rushing here and there,
standing behind the curtains waiting for it to start.
i just love the backstage happenings

its like no matter how tired you are,
on stage, you must look as if you are bursting with energy,
you must present the best to the audience.

and the moment you step behing the curtains,
you are panting like crazy, trying to catch your breath so that you have more energy for your next appearance onstage.
and when it is your cue, you jump back onto the stage and dance.

its all these moments that makes me love performing so much.
you really feel the bond,
that common goal everyone backstage have.
putting in your best effort
showing the audience the result of those hard trainings and struggles we have to go through
and those pains we felt,
mentally and physically,
but never complained.

it feels totally wonderful hearing the loud applause of the audience.
its like the iceing on the cake.
you feel as if your hard work really paid off
and you feel appreciated.

when i was in denmark,
i was really touched by the audience.
they were SUPER enthusiastic towards us.
and even though they didnt understand a single word of chinese
they clapped SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY and cheered for us!!
it was like....so heartwarming.
they were people from many many different countries.
even when we entered the dinner hall.
everyone clapped so loudly for us
i was kind of shocked,
because i didnt expect that at all.
i guess its because everyone who went there is a performer themselves
so they know how tough it is,
they know what happens behing the scenes.
they understand, and all they could do was to give you every bit of their support.
you feel really appreciated.

and when people come up to you,
to congratulate you on doing a great job on stage.
you feel happy.
and i mean really happy (:
i can't really describe the feelings in words,
but its like when you think of all the pain you had to go through,
it didnt matter at all.

but ultimately,
the best part of everything is all the sweats, pains, faliures, bruises and many other more,
including those long hours of trainings behind a performance
and ofcourse, friendship (:

chinese opera.
chinese dance.
i love the chinese culture.
i want to perform on stage for the rest of my life.

-------------

well i'm leaving really soon for tuition
so just a quick one here.

sorry i didnt blog yesterday
because i really really dont want to.

i felt really bad and stupid.
just felt like crying so much in the car on the way home
maybe i'm just to sensative
or i expect too much of myself
but, i just want someone to understand how i feel

its not smth i can type out on my blog
well, even if i told someone about it,
they proberbly wont understand,
and its not like they care how i feel lah.

i mean, only people who know the importance of this
will know what i mean.

ah well, people reading this post proberbly wont know what i'm talking about.
its really confusing.

i hope it goes away really soon.
someone help me, please

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i love chinese opera.
and i miss it a lot.

Denmark was such a wonderful experience.
best thing thats ever happen to me in xinmin.
and ''the nightingale" we performed there is my favourite play ever (:

i just want to perform on stage now.
i love chinese opera on stage.
i love dancing on stage.
one day, the world shall be my audience
<3

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blogging for the second time today!

i want to blog because i want to say..

i really really feel like going to nafa to dance now.
i am SO in the mood
and i love this year's zu3 he2
i miss going there.
although i just went yesterday

and there are only 5 more practises to syf
go go xinmin chinese dance!
i'm looking forward to syf!!
but i don wanna step down lah

suddenly,
i have this feeling to dance now!!
-------------

i think i'm feeling better already
but my voice haven't totally recover yet

well today the presentation was not bad.
good job munling and nelson!!
and thanks to miss chan and farah too
miss chan was so nice to fetch us home after that haha

yesterday was kinda nice
after school i took bus home with nicole
and then it started to rain
so we just sat at the bus stop
and we talked for two hours
so nice!!
its like...very relaxing
i think its very nice to just sit down with your friends and talk
i like that feeling (:

then i was worried that i might be late for nafa
so i quickly went home
then met limin at bugis and walked to nafa

WE DID DAI ZU WU (MAN BAN) !!
yes (:
i really love that dance!
the more i hear the music
the more i love it
the music is so nice!!

and i think my yao1 is aching today because of yesterday
i feel that i'm starting to like this year's zu3 he2
hehes (:

i'm excited about syf!

i think laoshi is very pretty
-------------

i feel like a burden.
to those around me,
my friends, my family..

like today i was feeling super not good in school
and i had to trouble rose to accompany me to the office
its like, can't i do it myself?
and then my maid had to come to school to pick me

i only had maths lessons in school then i went home already
my throat was KILLING me
and my voice is like getting worse already

oh yea and i still have literature presentation this saturday
how am i suppose to present?
i knew i didnt want to go right from the beginning.
but since i'm going,
shall make the best out of it then.

i want to go to school
i want to enjoy school
i want to dance.

learning journey tmr is cancelled
-------------

as much as i want to blog
i guess my body just dont allow me
i hate it when i'm sick
syf how?

so i lost my voice today in school
as in, really really lost my voice
i couldn't even speak lah
those people sitting around me should know
especially rose, kept teasing me lor

but during cca,
it got a teeny weeny bit better

i hardly survive in school today.

i miss dancing so much.

seeing the seniors who came back today,
it made me realise how fast i am going to step down .
and.....i just can't bear to.
i love xinmin chinese dance

unknowingly,
syf bonded the dancers,
to make them feel like a part of xinmin chinese dance.
no matter how ununited we may look on the outside.
i'm sure everyone of us have a common goal.
a goal to do our very best on the actual day.
we are all working as hard together,
and i see more and more people practising on their own
asking people for help.

keep on working hard!
its the final stretch!
and i know it will pay off (:

i am proud to say that we are just so close so close so so very close
to getting that honours!

just watch us soar! (:
-------------

well, what can i say?
i'm sick. physically lah
and i didn't go to school today

had very bad headache and sore throat
and my head is still spinning

i almost couldn't survive yesterday at T.A.T
and i was feeling so bad lah..
anyway went to hlgcc after dinner
and we learnt hua yao zu
its simple. and sort of fun
met quite alot of people too

oh and i have two tests tmr
and i wonder how am i going to study for it.

argh syf is coming and i had to fall sick
and we are having napfa 2.4 this friday

hope i can survive school and cca tmr
-------------

im having troubles with my blog

well, nafa today was kinda fun
cos we did jumps and stuffs
but it was fun because it feels great to dance at nafa again after the one week break

but we didnt do dai zu wu
which is so sad.

anyway good luck to jaguar for sports heats tmr!
hope we will do great haha

haha oh please relink me!
i changed the url because there is a dash in it
so many people were not able to read
so yup,
now it is dash-less
hahha

i'm feeling tired
goodnight
-------------

im having troubles with my blog

well, nafa today was kinda fun
cos we did jumps and stuffs
but it was fun because it feels great to dance at nafa again after the one week break

but we didnt do dai zu wu
which is so sad.

anyway good luck to jaguar for sports heats tmr!
hope we will do great haha

haha oh please relink me!
i changed the url because there is a dash in it
so many people were not able to read
so yup,
now it is dash-less
hahha

i'm feeling tired
goodnight
-------------

finally get to use the internet.
my internet was down yesterday,
so i didnt manage to blog
but anyway, life is more or less the same everyday

cca yesterday was terrible
but yah, i learnt alot

hmm...have i ever said that cca went well?
not really right?
haha, shall wait patiently for that day to come (:

oh yah i went to run with junyi and rose during recess today
and it was kinda fun
my first time mah
i wanna run again!

mondays and thursdays are very long days
we have lessons until so late
and its tiring
but i'm trying to conentrate lah

i need more sleep!
i'm feeling kind of tired in class nowadays
and tuition was great just now
mr ng is so funny

haha,
i need my sleep now.

goodnight (:
-------------

well todays lessons were as normal
and obviously there are more tests coming up,
like we have three next week already
and they are subjects that need to memorize alot
but, its cos i'm sec four already lah.

okay i think i'm gonna blog about cca today,
cos theres nothing interesting that happened during lessons.
they are all the same everyday

hmm...during cca,
laoshi commented on our rehearsal video.
obviously it was not up to standard,
but that was before the chinese new year.
i think we improved after the intensive,
which is good (:
but not good enough.

i mean, i know we dance to enjoy
to relax.
but afterall, its still a competition

but as much as i'm enthu about cca now,
after syf, i know i must tone down alot
because O'levels is still my piority.
i want my As

anyway, just do your best during syf
because no matter what happens
i've truely enjoyed myself during all the trainings
it has been such a wonderful experience (:

as compared to others,
our school have very little practises
i want more practise!!
i want to have practises until 8+ at night
i dont mind if there isn't a teacher
i mean, we can have self-practise

i just want the dance room to be open for us to use and practise in.

cos seriously
5 hours a week is definately not enough!
like other schools are working so hard
training so many times a week
but us?
so slack

as much as many of the dancers want to practise more,
but theres nothing we can do
because we cant use the room,
we dont have the space
aiyah, its not up to us anyway

so, we should really cherish the little amount of time we have in the room
and with teacher (:

aiyah i also don't know what i want to say,
i'm so confused
-------------

i think my life is in a mess now.

i never knew how much it mattered to me
until both of us slowly drifted apart.
and yes i agree that it has come to a stage when both of us could no longer care.

i remembered we used to tell each other
that no matter what happens,
we will still be as close to each other.
that we must not let any thing stop us from being the bestest friends in the world

but i guess since we both gone to different classes,
things weren't the same anymore.
we hardly got the chance to see each other.
our recesses were different in the sense that by the time i reached the canteen,
all of you had already eaten and going back to class.
we are not in the same cca.
our timetables are so different that we cannot go back home together.
and...we are so caught up with our own lives

that we forgot each other.

i'm so sorry that all these has happened
its partly my fault too.

and i still remember that we never fought once
and we were so proud of that.
i never once thought that our relationship will come to what it is today.

all the secrets we've shared.
memories we had.
sticking together through thick and thin.
enduring all the scoldings together from our teachers, parents, instructors.
crying together
sharing our joy with other.
doing the best projects together.
we had so much fun just being beside each other.
we dont have to talk to feel each other's company,
and i feel just as happy to know that you are beside me.
whenever something happens
you will be the first person i run to
we promised never to keep any secrets from each other
i learn to rely on you.

you made me realise, for the first time in my life,
what a true friend really is.

and now looking at the state of our friendship,
i can't help but cry to myself
and i seriously dont know why,
but as i'm typing this,
i'm literally crying like crazy

if only i had the chance to turn back time
and choose my subject combination again.
i will definately choose the same combination as you,
so that we wont have to be streamed into different classes
because seriously,
without you
i wouldn't be able to have as much fun as i had during my lower sec days.

i'm not as happy as how i was when you were there.
remember the days we spent mugging together
the days where we will call each other and talk on the phone forever
the days where we slept over at each other's house
the days we will go out together because we want to catch up and spend time with each other
the days where we gossip about everything and anything
the days where people associate me with you, and you with me
we had so much faith in each other
that we could tell each other even our deepest darkest secrets.

its scary to see how both of us can drift so so far apart
that we are no different from strangers

maybe both of us should start putting in some effort
to turn things around
because i know clearly,
that deep down in my heart,
i still want us to be best friends,
and i cherish this friendship ALOT.

wanling,
i miss you
-------------

hello everyone.
theres school tmr and i'm dreading it!

why must there be so many maths paper???
i bet after the june holidays i will forget how to do the questions
and i have to revise all over again.
so whats the use??

there are so many tests next week
and i dont want to fail!

heard there are many casualties for the a.maths test.
i bet i'm one of them because i only know a few questions
hahha

so today turned out to be better than i thought.
and i realise that my passion for dance is coming back!
i thought i have lost it
but i'm looking forward to next dance class now!
and i want to dance 傣族舞，慢版 (:

i love 神韵
i want to do more 神韵!!
and i hate my 软度
so irritatingly lousy

really hope O'levels will pass real soon
i'm looking forward to the day when my piority will be dance
and not O'levels

on friday, we went to the dance room after lunch to play!
and its so nice because you can do whatever dance stuffs you want
and you have so much space!
no one will be staring at you like you are crazy or something

and we took pictures!
hahah






















yes i know i'm short.

hahah i love chinese dance!!

i remember laoshi always say
" 艺术来自于生活，但是艺术却高于生活 "

i want to be onstage now (:
-------------

argh i hate my brother.

stayed-over in the school yesterday
it was fun other than the fact that i felt super sticky and uncomfortable

we played in the old dance room
but it was super dirty as well

well, dance intensive is over
and its my last dance intensive in xinmin.
i miss it already.

syf is confirm on 16 april.
which means we have an extra one week to practise.
and we have 8 more dance practice before its our big big day.
are we good enough yet?

i'm getting worried.

but i still love to dance.
-------------

woke up early for cca today
hmm..tmr is the last day.
so fast, and i'm going to step down soon ):
hmm, can say i had fun with the dancers today
went crazy after cca

we had pizza!
and then went out to buy drinks
and we were going crazy on the way there
watched some videos in the dance room
the dance room so comfortable
i want to have camp there!

oh that reminds me,
i have opera camp tomorrow

and there are loads of test next week!
i'm going to die trying to understand all the maths and physics

i'm going for tuition later!
i mean, very soon
gonna leave in a few minutes.

oh yah,
we watched our rehearsal video today too
and i think it is very messy!
anyway jiayou bah!

hope we will do a thousand times better than the rehearsal!
going for tuition le, bye!
-------------

i woke up in the late morning today
because i dont have to go school early in the morning
like finally (:

so i slacked around
then got changed and went for cca.
today SO many people didnt turn up to practise
so its kinda hard to do the whole dance once
so in the end never lah

anyway, i think today was the first time i went for cca with a heavy heart.
i was so afraid that yesterday would repeat itself
and everyone's effort will go down the drain.
but i guess its because so many people were absent today
so we didnt do jumps and warm up properly
and didnt sweat as much

yesterday everyone was sweating like crazy in the hall
so stuffy lah!
and the floor is horribly dirty..eww.

i remember halfway during the dance yesterday,
i saw puddles of sweat on the floor
and i had to roll over it
i was like...gross!
but its the result of our efforts lah (:

having pizza for lunch with all the dancers tmr
then we are going to watch videos!
i want to see our rehearsal video
i think we will get to see it.

my class went for learning journey today
wonder if they had fun?
hahha i wanna go

oh and cca is 8.30 tmr
so i have to wake up early.

hope tomorrow will go well.
PLEASE dont let anything bad happen
please make it a successful one!

jiayou!
-------------

i'm terribly sorry to all chinese dancers in the syf.

i'm so so so sorry.
its my fault.
i'm sorry if laoshi was disappointed with us,
because it was because of me that made her so unhappy today

i'm really sorry.

remember a few posts ago,
i was talking about how people can just break down on the spot during dance practise?
i never knew it would be my turn so soon.

i'm sorry, i just....couldn't control myself.
i felt super bad and guilty for pulling the whole standard down today.

and if i didnt reply you guys when you talked to me,
its because i'm afraid if i talk,
i will just cry even more.
sorry, its not that i want to neglect you guys

i rather go to the toilet alone.

i'm so sorry to make you guys suffer because of me,
i feel bad.

where's the motivation i had in me?
where is it?
where is my disipline to work hard and always improve myself?

where is my confidence?

i've let SO many people down.

to laoshi,
i'm sorry.

i will do better, much better starting from tomorrow.
all it takes to pull the standard up again.

i really will, please trust me.
-------------

today was....???

woke up in the morning to go to school for the literature presentation thing,
only to realise that miss chan and nelson were terribly late.
so me and farah waited like forever.
we were doing the powerpoint slides
and nelson kept making me and farah laugh with all his stupid actions.
but we still managed to finish quite alot
so, thats good

then went for cca.
its was...i don't know
me and alicia always talk about the dance when we are preparing at the side.
and today it was TOTALLY BELOW OUR EXPECTATIONS.
and whats more, our expectations are already very low.
and the standard today is even lower!
like..when are we ever gonna realise how urgent this is?!

but its still heartwarming to see people trying(:

i felt that the dance room was very stuffy at the beginning.
everyone was sweating like crazy.
but i like this feeling!

so later i found out some stuffs..
and i'm super fustrated with my flexibility and height.
why can't i be more flexible?
why can't i just be a little taller?
why why why??

i hate myself.

why is it in my genes?
that extra 2cm is just so important
and i'm......ARGH.
its gonna affect me ALOT.

sometimes passion just isn't enough,

its just so cruel.
-------------

i had fun today!
totally love my dance-mates!!

went to nicole's ballet open class today
and nicole did great!
she got praised a couple of times
wow *claps claps*

anyway met them outside school at around 3.30pm
then we took a bus there
and we were fooling around in the bus
talking about crazy things
then we went to the dance room
and nicole's class had a lot of students
and they were all wearing different colour leotards and skirts
so the whole class is like very colourful

started out with barre exercises
and then classical, free movements
then character
nicole look nice when she dances ballet
i can tell she really loves it alot
and i'm glad (:

haha then we went to have dinner
and i think all of us were in the crazy mood
especially during the part where we took neoprints
i laugh until i got stomach aches

i really love going out with dance-mates
i had so much fun!
i wanna spend more time with them!! (:
go out another time okay?

something funny always happens when i'm with them
and the great thing is,
we all have a common interest,
DANCE!

i haven't felt this way for a long long LONG TIME.
like recently, its been so stressful
and i'm totally weighed down
felt so terrible inside

but today i felt so happy inside
and i was kind of like couldn't bear to leave and go home
like..you know that feeling?
its like you still want to be with your friends for a while more
going out with the dancers makes me feel more cheerful

thank you so much
i feel happy to have such great friends (:
-------------

open class is over

today early in the morning something super sway happened to me
ahahha..i really very "lucky" arh
anyway was looking forward to going home after school
then after school i straight away go home haha
then slacked at home for a while
took an afternoon nap.

then went to pack my bag,
ate dinner then i left the house
met limin at bugis and we walked to nafa together

well...open class was....BAD and good
its bad because i forget ALOT ALOT of movements
so i was like guilty and sad throughout
its like i think i was kind of nervous
so i forget the movements in that moment
anyway i was trembling at times

BUT

something that cheered me up ALOT
was WE DID DAI ZU WU!!!
i really dont know why
but i felt so much happier after we did dai zu
cos i totally love that dance!!
hehes
i'm a happy girl now

i wished we did dai zu every lesson

hmm..okay so next week i'm going to have cca on every week day
and i have tons and tons of homework

but i see dance as a form of releasing stress
and i really love dancing
(especially dai zu)
okay enough of that haha

anyway to rose,
i still like sitting next to you
and i'm not angry or what at what you guys did
cos i understand its not like you guys are critisizing her
its just....for fun lah
life IS boring at times (:

okay i'm still in the happy mood
due to the side effect of dai zu wu
goodnight (:
-------------

nothing interesting happening to me lately.

i feel sleepy in school
and there are ALOT ALOT of maths homework during the holidays
i dont think i will have time to finish all
and maths was very brain-draining today

anyway after school,
i packed my english file
and the classroom only left with the few of us.
chatted with rose
then bengkoon and malvina played with the phone
and we had such a good laugh

went for cca after that
we are still not good
and we are 33 days
and 11 trainings away from syf
please let everything go smoothly

this friday is open class
my mother says she is coming.

i can't remember all the steps!!
but i still love dai zu (:
i am going to embaress myself infront of all the parents.
-------------

didnt blog for one day,
i apologize for that,
i'm sorry.

anyway today school was just the same.
just lessons and more lessons
and more lessons.

so after school had CCA!
well, mrs lim came in
and she saw the whole dance
then she talked to us.
anyway so many of us miss her so much
she told us alot of things

there are still quite a few not so strong ones in the dance
i really hope every single one us will immerse into the dance,
sometimes i wonder,
does every single one of the syf dancers understand the importance of this?
or do they just treat it as a burden?

then wei laoshi talked to us,
followed my zou laoshi
anyway i think wei laoshi said something like
"as long as we try our best, whether we win the honours or not is another thing,
but we must use the honours as a goal,
and work towards it.
so it means that both are important as well"

hmm, actually i have loads of feelings i want to write out.
but i guess i shall not bore you guys with cca stuffs lah,
since not everyone is interested in knowing how i feel bout this

anyway, i want to go and sleep now
so.. bye! (:

oh yah, thank you for reading my blog!
really appreciate you taking you time off to read it hehes
will blog more often (:
-------------

just came back from tuition
and munling didnt come today
for dunno what reason

i'm going out later!
but i cant go to miss chan's house ):
i want to go lah
i heard she is gonna give us expensive and nice chocolates
yum yum.

school is still as stressful as ever.
lessons that last till like 4+ really makes me wanna die
my march holidays is gonna be filled with loads of maths
we have so many practise papers
and there are loads of tuition work to do as well

i hope i know how to do them haha.

i guess i'm feeling better already
i want to have a positive attitude!
theres no use brooding over things thats happen.
i'll just have to do better the next time round hehe

i've seen people just breaking down on the spot
because they got scolded during practise
and they just cannot get the movements right
when i see things like this happening,
somehow i feel so sad for them
and i know how they feel
its like you are already trying so hard
and you really wish to do well
but somehow you just cannot.

but despite these,
after some practises,
when you hear teacher saying things like you've improve
and you are doing really well,
you feel over the moon.
you dont really show it on the outside
because you dont want to appear as arrogant
but deep inside you
you know you are happy
and just...contented.

its these kind of feelings that makes you want to do better and better and even better.
your passion for dance just pushes you to go on.

i really want to perform now.
the make-up, the costumes, the hair,
the stage, lightings, backstage.
rushing here and there,
standing behind the curtains waiting for it to start.
i just love the backstage happenings

its like no matter how tired you are,
on stage, you must look as if you are bursting with energy,
you must present the best to the audience.

and the moment you step behing the curtains,
you are panting like crazy, trying to catch your breath so that you have more energy for your next appearance onstage.
and when it is your cue, you jump back onto the stage and dance.

its all these moments that makes me love performing so much.
you really feel the bond,
that common goal everyone backstage have.
putting in your best effort
showing the audience the result of those hard trainings and struggles we have to go through
and those pains we felt,
mentally and physically,
but never complained.

it feels totally wonderful hearing the loud applause of the audience.
its like the iceing on the cake.
you feel as if your hard work really paid off
and you feel appreciated.

when i was in denmark,
i was really touched by the audience.
they were SUPER enthusiastic towards us.
and even though they didnt understand a single word of chinese
they clapped SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY and cheered for us!!
it was like....so heartwarming.
they were people from many many different countries.
even when we entered the dinner hall.
everyone clapped so loudly for us
i was kind of shocked,
because i didnt expect that at all.
i guess its because everyone who went there is a performer themselves
so they know how tough it is,
they know what happens behing the scenes.
they understand, and all they could do was to give you every bit of their support.
you feel really appreciated.

and when people come up to you,
to congratulate you on doing a great job on stage.
you feel happy.
and i mean really happy (:
i can't really describe the feelings in words,
but its like when you think of all the pain you had to go through,
it didnt matter at all.

but ultimately,
the best part of everything is all the sweats, pains, faliures, bruises and many other more,
including those long hours of trainings behind a performance
and ofcourse, friendship (:

chinese opera.
chinese dance.
i love the chinese culture.
i want to perform on stage for the rest of my life.
-------------

well i'm leaving really soon for tuition
so just a quick one here.

sorry i didnt blog yesterday
because i really really dont want to.

i felt really bad and stupid.
just felt like crying so much in the car on the way home
maybe i'm just to sensative
or i expect too much of myself
but, i just want someone to understand how i feel

its not smth i can type out on my blog
well, even if i told someone about it,
they proberbly wont understand,
and its not like they care how i feel lah.

i mean, only people who know the importance of this
will know what i mean.

ah well, people reading this post proberbly wont know what i'm talking about.
its really confusing.

i hope it goes away really soon.
someone help me, please
-------------

i love chinese opera.
and i miss it a lot.

Denmark was such a wonderful experience.
best thing thats ever happen to me in xinmin.
and ''the nightingale" we performed there is my favourite play ever (:

i just want to perform on stage now.
i love chinese opera on stage.
i love dancing on stage.
one day, the world shall be my audience
<3
-------------

Ruimin. 15 May. Dancer. The HongKong Academy for Performing Arts

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