i would be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed

well camp is cancelled.
for certain reasons,
but yah..i mean theres nothing i can do now,
i tried to fight for having a camp
but i dont make the decisions.
i guess i will just acept it
i mean things don't always go your way right?

i really felt that this camp will be useful for us
although i know that it is only a one night camp,
but there are loads of things we can acheive during this period of time.
people say that it is not advisable because theres not alot you can acheive in one day,
but i am confident that this camp will be a great one
and if i had to chance a make the camp happen,
i can say that the whole situation in dance now will improve
and the camp will be a successful one
we've plan the games and things we want to do during the camp
and i think every game will benifit us with the whole situation now
what we lack now is people to believe in us and give us the chance
just have faith that we can do it, its all we ask for.
we are more than happy to make this happen.

but somehow, everything cant be going the right way in life
if we are not allowed to have the camp,
it means we are not allowed
i will acept the decisions and opinions of everyone lah
i understand the reasons for not being able to have it

but i just feel abit disappointed
i mean its normal to feel this way
afterall, i was so looking forward to it.
and i just wanted to express how i felt.

oh and i think we will not get distracted during training because of the camp,
in fact, we will be even more serious,
because the purpose of this camp is to help us to perform better during trainings,
and we know how to draw the line between having fun, and training seriously
so..yup thats how i feel

although i know that we cant have the camp,
but i still have confidence that we will be able to change the way things are in dance,
if the camp really happens.

anyway, lets talk about school today.
well, it was okay
during cca my legs were so wobbly for no reason hahah
and we talked about something after cca,
and its so scary lah
wonder if it is true or not

there is no tuition tmr
because mr ng is going for reservice
hahah but we have extra lessons on saturday
tmr is thursday and its gonna be another long day..as usual.

oh yah, best of luck to everyone taking the big chemistry test tmr! (:

-------------

well i was feeling extremly tired in school
felt like sleeping for almost every lesson
argh i need more sleep!!

anyway was having english self-study
then halfway,
heard teacher came extra early today
so i left extra early too
haha

anyway cca passed super fast today
dont know why
but its like time really flies during cca today lah
and kelly was so shock when lesson was over
hahha her reaction was funny lah
then went home with the dancers
and we talked about interesting stuffs on the way
hahah

during cca,
i felt that today was quite okay
we didnt do warm ups together
so i think i wont be aching much tmr lah
and i actually miss doing warm ups together!
its tiring though, but extremly fun!!
then all of us sweat together
hahha!! love that feeling!
if not i will feel super fat.
okay wait, i am kind of fat =x
oh well.
and i love love doing da tiaos!!
so fun so fun so fun (:

well i want to go for physics practical
heard it was super fun
when can i go???

some literature students are going to miss chan's house this sunday
and i can't go cos i'm not free
sad, but i'll go next time!
hope there will be a next time hehes

i really hope i will not feel sleepy tmr
i want to survive in class one haha.

anyway i think we are getting back our emaths test paper tmr
pray really hard that i will do okay!!
oh someone transfered to our class a few days ago,
so now we have 47 people in our class
haha rose's reaction was funny when she heard it(:

i think i need to sleep early today
if not it will be terrible in school tmr
goodnight.

-------------

hmm nothing much happened today
except for investiture!!
it was fun lah (:

well morning had announcement
and its my last announcement ):
its kind of fun actually haha!

went to class and it was basically quite slacky
we had our probability test back
and mrs lim say i very 'kan chiong' haha
but oh well

so had rehearsal
then we went to change
it started and ended very fast
after that we went to the library for the sharing session
and me, junyi and isaiah were talking to the SLs from nygh
and it was okay lah
abit quiet
so everyone started talking about cold jokes
and they are all super super lame
haha but it was interesting lah

after that i went to the sl room for a while
and some of us went to have dinner and went home

well, i think i need loads of sleep
feeling so sleepy lah.

bye!

-------------

i missed tuition today!!!
cos i overslept
and i totally forgot about it!!
ahh!!! how could i?!?! ):
my mum woke me up and said
" girl arh, you miss your tuition arh? "
aiyo...i feel bad for missing it

so i woke up after that
and then i was kind of bored,
so elizabeth asked me to go to her house
and i went,
our house is so near.

watched television,
played abit of mahjong
then we went with her siblings out for dinner
because her parents are both at work
and they will be coming back really late
it was kind of fun
just that elizabeth was suffering
and she was showing it, to us.

but its okay lah
its normal elizabeth! (:

oh my, tmr is my announcement duty!
ahh i am going to make a fool out of myself lah
and there is investiture tmr
good luck to everyone!
hope everything goes well (:

-------------

well its past midnight already
i just reached home.

went to school early in the morning
for invest rehearsal
it was the same,
just some walking thing
and taking the pledge thing
left after lunch so i missed the part after lunch
hope i know what to do on monday!

so i went home
then i changed and went out,
to esplanade
to catch 'secret love in peach blossom land'
i'm so glad i went to buy the tickets yesterday!
it was a GREAT show!
my love for chinese opera is starting to get back to me slowly
i really really wanna go for opera practice now,
as in go for practice to prepare for a show i will be acting in,
but that will only happen like after one month?
i am so looking forward to the youth opera showcase!!

then at night
went for supper with elizabeth and nathaniel
it was fun i guess
nathaniel is quite a nice person
only got to know him today
he is very gentleman lah.
we told really dumb jokes
and elizabeth was struggling to eat properly with her braces
so poor thing.

haha oh yah!
then after the show at esplanade,
went to catch the dance performances at raffles city,
by the students from guangzhou
and it was NICE!!
they look like our age
and they are good lah
i like ming2 jian1 wu3 alot
classical is nice too lah

aiyah, in conclusion
i love chinese dance! <3

-------------

well today was not a good day for me.
we had english test and chinese test
this week was filled with test.
we had literature test yesterday also

anyway after school went for invest rehearsal
it was okay i think
i just felt normal and did what i was suppose to do
there were quite little student leaders who came
guess there will be more tmr
had lunch with SLs after that

before dance i went to bugis to get tickets for tmr's show
then walked to nafa.
today was kind of okay
except for the fact that i am so pathetically unflexible.
we did classical for the whole lesson.
and at the start when we did the warm up with the music,
both my legs got cramps
and it was super pain!
i was trying to bear with it, it was so terrible lah.
this shows that i need more calcium.
and i pity someone in our class for smth that happened today
its like so so sad lah.
so ke3 lian2

anyway i felt sad after dance
because we didnt do dai zu ):

-------------

tuition just ended
and i love today's tuition
becasue we did differentiation trigonometry
which is so nice
because i know how to do it yay!
although there are careless mistakes here and there.

anwyay syf is on the 9th april!
its a monday.
i am so excited!!
we have 46 more days
and about 15 more practices
how little is that????

i really hope we will improve FASTER
because the pace we are at now is so...not good.
we are not there yet,
but i'm sure we will get there (:
hope all syf dancers will put in their best!

you know sometimes,
i feel that we are kind of selfish,
even me.
we always sit around and rest,
we didnt even bother to find the ones who are weaker
and try to help them with their steps.
afterall, we are aiming for the same thing
and doing it together as a team.

many of us have other commitments,
i understand.
having to cope with so many things is not easy.
especially when you have pressure coming from everyone of them
but when it comes to cca, i hope everyone will be serious,
we have extremly high expectations to meet
and i really wish everyone will do well

i dont want to see a situation where
we really have no choice but to cut off people from syf
because then all your efforts will be for nothing
and i'm sure you will feel terrible.
i really don't want to see such a day.
it will be so devastating, really.

what i want to say is,
dare to dance.
only then will you be able to move freely
and express all that is inside you
let the feelings show,
dont hide it!
there's just so many feelings that can be shown in this dance
and when you are unsure of certain things
ask.
get someone you are comfortable with and ask.
its really gonna help you alot
and thats how you learn,
thats how you improve.

i remember when i was sec one
i was so afraid of laoshi,
because i found her quite fierce
and i didnt dare to do the movements
my actions are all so small and confined.
i felt really uncomfortable while dancing
i was hesitating before every training
i didnt really like it

but as i danced more and more with the seniors,
i saw their passion
i saw how they expressed themselves through their movements
and i tried, i took the first step.
it was then i slowly realise how beautiful dance was
and i started to fall deeply in love with it.
i feel so good just being able to dance
because i didnt have to think about all the stress out there,
and just immerse myself into the music.
getting into the syf that time
was really something that boosted me to work harder.
i saw dance in a deeper level
and cca became something i looked forward to every week.

everytime cca ended on that day,
i will have this little bit of sadness in me,
because cca is over and i dont get to dance anymore.
i just felt like dancing somemore.

during our practices for kaleidoscope,
i remember almost everytime after practice,
the few of us will always stay back on our own to do hong2shan4
or we will request for laoshi to let us dance hongshan one more time before she leaves
and it is because all of us really love the dance
and we dont mind doing it over and over again
although everytime after that,
we will be panting and panting
and complaining of the stupid mistakes we make during the dance.

despite everything, we didnt mind all the bruises on our knees
because of all the kneeling and rolling on the floor.
we were willing to sacrifice.
and everytime when laoshi wants to pai2 hongshan during that practice,
we will all be smiling to ourselves for no particular reason,
we just felt happy that we will be doing hongshan that day.

that is what i call passion.

when i was a junior,
i look up to my seniors.
i mean, afterall there are the more experienced ones.
i guess they are the ones who gave me that little amount of courage that i have now,
because they made me realise that it is perfectly okay to just dance freely.
dont constrain yourself, i mean, what for?
as long as you dance from your heart
i'm sure that you will shine!

anyway, its just a matter if you are willing to try and take that first step.
dont be afraid of suffering,
because i tell you, you are going to feel the pain,
muscle aches, your leotard soaking wet with your sweat.
its just what you have to go through.
its like, no pain no gain, right?

keep that passion burning in you.
remember,
use your heart to feel it.
its makes ALOT of difference,
and its what differentiate a good dancer and a not so good one.

"Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another." ~anonymous

-------------

today is totally NOT my cca day
i feel so...argh.
its like, i am not in the mood
i am feeling very tired
I HAVE TERRIBLE STOMACHACHE
and i just cant dance properly ):

i've disapointed myself. alot

i hate it when i start to regret after training
the feeling is so, nan2 shou4
i really have no strength to dance today at all
i tried to have more bao4 fa1 li4
but when i do it, my legs are like so song1
and my hands and legs were shivering even when i'm not dancing
weird huh?
i think i'm really tired lah.

anyway today's maths test was super weird
i still dont understand how can you sheer a triangle diagonally?
its so weird lah..left that question blank
cos i dont know how to do it..

but anyway the thing that cheered me up today
was when me, rose, junyi and munling went to the coffeeshop,
and we started talking about dreams(the one you have when you sleep)
and it was so funny!
because everyone of us have ridiculous dreams
its so dumb lah

oh and during dance
joey went to hit limin's butt
and the sound it creates is SO different from all of ours
its like..hollow?
i dont know.
then vanessa say limin wears pampers,
and its so funny lah!!
i laugh until my whole face red!
me and nicole just couldn't stop laughing
hahah

tmr is gonna be a long and tiring day
thursdays are always the hardest to survive.
hope things will go well tmr!

i really wanna do dai zu wu (man4 ban3)

-------------

well woke up at around 10.15 today
and i watched the cctv cny countdown
it was NICE
the dances were beautiful.
reminds me of the concert that we went to watch in yunnan.
and the mo suo guy,hehes

anyway wang ya bin performed
and i love her lah
she's beautiful and such a GREAT dancer!

then did some stuffs at home
nothing much lah
my parents and my brother went shopping without me
cos i was sleeping
hahah but its okay
i like staying at home
because i get to spend time with myself
and do what i want to do

actually i was quite happy and looking forward to school tmr,
because theres cca
but once i think of the MATHS TEST TMR
my whole mood went like...DOWN ):
why must there be a test when the new year mood is like so happy
although its like a LOCI and transformation test,
i still dont like test.

okay enough of that.
i must say i learnt alot in malaysia
because my aunties and uncles LOVE to talk
and they always gather to talk.
talk about everything,
talk about their children,
the society,
moral values,
everything!!

and i just happen to sit around because i was munching at the new year goodies there,
i heard what they were talking about lah
and they said loads of very meaningful stuffs
once they talked about passion..AGAIN.
and they keep saying things like,
follow your heart,
you dont have to have a reason to do it,
you just do it because you want to
and you know its what you want.
you dont even have to think,
as long as you are happy
because its all you ever want to do.

but somehow, whats the use of saying all these.
because when it happens to your own daughter,
these words no longer exist.
i mean like, why can't you all just understand?
i REALLY REALLY want your support
and i dont want to go ahead with it without all of you cheering behind me
because i wouldn't be happy then.

i pray everytime, hoping for your aceptance,
but it never happens.
and i'm starting to lose that hope already.
i try even harder to make you realise how important this is to me
but somehow, you treat it as if i was joking.
i'm not.

everytime we come to this topic,
you tell me
" wait till the end of the year, if you still want it, then we will let you go "
it sounds so simple,
but i have a very strong feeling that you will go back on your words at the end of the year.

i'm sixteen this year.
i want to decide my own future.
not you.
all i want is your support
because i know i will work hard,
i will work very very hard,
trust me, please.

sometimes i really wished i had elizabeth's parents

-------------

hello!
i'm back from malaysia
and i had SO MUCH fun there

it was such a crazy new year
filled with so much love and happiness
I JUST LOVE MY RELATIVES
i dont think i will go into details of what i did
because i did so many things (:

anyway i collected loads of ang pau
and i'm richer now!
but the money stills goes to the bank lah
haha

i'm watching forbidden city on arts central now
its nice!
reminds me when i went to watch it LIVE with junyi and munling
the show is nice
and the songs are so beautiful
they just sing so well!

my cousins in malaysia have one week of chinese new year holiday
and we have to go to school on wednesday
haha
oh yah, i dont think i can go to MrC's house tmr
but its okay lah

tonight i'm gonna sleep with my cosy bed!
yay!

okay, off to watch forbidden city (:

-------------

woke up super early today
left the house at 4am to drive to malaysia
the car was so squeezy
because the whole family went
reached at about 9am today

i'm in my cousin's house in kuala lumpur
and i brought my mother's labtop
so i can blog!! yay!

we went shopping today
and so many funny things happened
my cousins totally rocks!
they are so funny!!
doing all the stupid things
i laugh until my stomach ache lah

had dinner and all my relatives came
oh yah, we had pizza hut for lunch
it was yummy (:

i'm coming back on monday
and i want to go MrC house on tuesday!!

everyone is playing computer and playstation now
and eating tidbits
then the adults are talking talking talking
its been quite long since i met my cousins
and most of them changed so much
as in they are all SO TALL AND SKINNY
i'm like...oh no..
i'm still so short lah
and people slimmed down
and i didn't

the atmosphere here is so re4 nao4
i'm super full
gonna get fat

hais.
i miss my cosy bed at home
hahah
hope everyone had a fun day!!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

-------------

i'm going to malaysia really really soon
and i haven't pack yet

hahah
yay chinese new year is coming(:
today during nafa
laoshi gave us sweets to eat
and it was nice!

we did tribal dances today
and IT WAS FUN FUN FUN <3
totally love dai zu wu!!

had chinese new year celebration in school today
i love our hair
and eye make-up
its so nice
and i so wanted to keep the pie shan
because they are so pretty

okay i need to go pack hehes
bye!

i hope i get to blog in malysia (:

-------------

what a long and tiring day
and i am so tired

apparently, i blogged just now
but my post went blank suddenly
and all the things that i typed were gone!

so i shall not type it again
because i am tired enough already

anwyay went for the volleyball match today
and xinmin rocks!
our volleyball teams are all so good and powerful!!
we won!

went for chinese opera after that
and it was nice because
we watched a really nice video
haha

had dinner with munling after that
and went for tuition at night
by the time it ended
it was so late already

i feel so tired
and i just want to sleep now

goodnight(:

-------------

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
today was nice(:
because there is the spirit of giving!
(okay thats for christmas, but nevermind)

yup thank you to everyone who gave me gifts and flowers!
they are all so nice
and SWEET (:
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
love them all!!

anyway today during mrs lim's lesson
she was telling us so many stories,
ghost stories!
and the whole class was addicted to it
kept asking her to tell somemore hahah

cca today was just alright
as usual
and friday is the cny performance
hahah but the dance is messy =x

i have a.maths homework today
and it is alot of questions!
i think i will do until i die

valentine's day is going to be over
and chinese new year is coming!
i will be going to malaysia on saturday
so maybe i wont be able to blog ):
hope i have fun there!

anwyay off to do my homework now!
hope everyone enjoyed valentine's day (:

-------------

i am so gonna fail my a.maths test
i only know how to do very few questions

after school today
we had cny rehearsal!!
IT WAS SUPER SUPER SUNNY AT THE PARADE SQUARE
and so hot!
THE WIND WAS SO STRONG
and all our fans ended up flying everywhere
so we all just laugh laugh laugh
and didnt really dance hahah

then cca was okay lah..
but i was super tired by that time
because we kept doing the cny dance
then i was panting
i haven't warm up yet
and we had to do syf dance

so i was totally not in my best form
aiyah must improve my stamina already

oh and my knee really hurts!!
the blueblacks are getting worse lah
and its so painful!
especially the cut on my knee ):

anyway today something terrible happenned during recess
it was kind of scary
poor munling and junyi kena splash alot
until the back of their uniforms were so dirty

hmm..
valentines day is tmr!
love is in the air <3

-------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNLING!! <3

a.maths test is postponed till tmr
aiyah...i am so not ready for it ):

during english today,
we watched finish the movie 'the miricle worker'
i think its such a GREAT show
so nice, and its based on a true story
i wanna watch again

oh and we went to deliver the hamper today
it was fun
cos we talked alot
and made so many jokes in mr pah's car haha
i want to deliver again!!

after school went to transfer the things
from old dance room to new dance room
and the first box i carried was so big lah
then i so small size
abit difficult for me to carry lah
hahaha

then during dance,
we tried on the cny performance costume
and we messed up the whole place
but we're gonna clean it up tmr.
there's cny rehearsal tmr after school
and we danced with the performance fan today

my knee hurts
because there are alot of blueblacks on it
and theres one on my shoulder which aches as well
but it will get better soon
i hope (:

-------------

i'm back from rehearsal
well how did it go?

i think it started out abit messy
and not everyone was in the mood
then anyhow run here run there

but the most important thing is
we all started to realise that time was passing super fast
then the mood was serious
even backstage
i saw people practising while waiting for their turn to go out
and i felt..glad
i was expecting like loads of chit-chats
and laughing here and there
but they did not.
they were practising!
i'm so proud of xinmin chinese dance!

overall it was okay.
i love our costume
its so nice!! (:
oh and my costume is still too short for me
but i still love it anyway

i have a.maths test tmr
hais..

oh well, life goes on (quoted from rose) (:

-------------

i finally changed my blogskin
for the first time
hahaha
i think its clearer to read from this blogskin

anyway i'm less than 24 hours away from rehearsal
excited excited excited.

went out with my mum just now
and saw the dance performance at raffles city
then we went to buy new year goodies
hahah i was sweating cos it was so hot inside the 'market' there

munling's birthday is on monday!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
rose, junyi, munling and me were suppose to go out today
but junyi fell sick today
and rose was busy
so we didnt go out in the end
but nevermind (:
we will go out again
GET WELL SOON JUNYI!

school is coming and passing so quickly
and soon i will be stepping down from cca
felt really sad about it ):
i dont ever wanna step down!
i just love my cca so much
the people
the teachers
my friends
and of course,
just being able to dance (:

-------------

i'm back!
okay i'm sorry that i didnt blog so much yesterday
cos i didnt have so much time



anyway during english today,
we watched "the miricle worker"
its such a nice show!!
but we didnt finish it because lesson ended
cant wait to continue watching it!



and i'm so amazed by 405
you know why?
today mrs lim didnt come for lessons
and we were suppose to end lessons at 12.30
but everyone stayed back until about 1.30-2.00
just to finish the work that mrs lim gave
and nobody complained(:
if it was last year
i think the whole class would leave on the dot
and not care about the work lor haha
so i'm glad hehes
and i like transformation cos its like LOCI (:



results were out today
I GOT A1 FOR CHINESE!
yup i'm so happy lah!
i really thought i wont do well
because my chinese had always been bad
and my prelims were lousy lah
when i saw the result slip
I SCREAMED LAH!
and then i dunno why i started crying
i guess i was so scared i didnt do well
and i just felt...relieved
thank you for letting me get A1



congratulations to all who has done well
our school did so well this year
and i'm proud of my school!



thank you munling for crying with me
although you didnt take any results
i'm so glad you feel happy for me
because it really shows what a true friend you are (:
we shall work hard together
and our faces will appear on the slides next year!



so after school went for nafa.
although i didnt do very well
and hun4 my way through
but i shall not brood over it
and stay happy
because today i got my A1!
yes that is good enough for me



oh that reminds me
rehearsal in two days?
ahhhh i'm totally so so super nervous!
but extremly excited as well (:

-------------

so late already
and i still have homework.
argh! i will try and do it later



oh and the results is tmr!!!
its scary lah.
i think i will not blog so much
because its late and i have english homework
but i'm still blogging now
because i try and make it a point to blog everyday now (:



i hope everyone do well!



and i'm talking to elizabeth now.
to elizabeth: you are so dramatic.



sunday is coming SO SOON!!
i hope it will turn out fine
really!
anyway,
just give it you best shot!



i have to stop now if not my english will be so untouched.
bye!

-------------

its wednesday again
and our last training before rehearsal is
officially over.



did i mention that i like our syf costume?
i love it!
today we tried on the costume
and its so pretty!
but my top was a little too short for me
so they are going to alter it and make it longer
this shows that i've grown taller (:



hmm today cca was kind of alright
cos we were left with little time
after we tried our costumes
it was a little tiring lah



and today the only happy part was during maths class
when rose wanted so much to express her stupidity
mrs lim was saying
"someone lend me a compass, hurry!"
then the "oh-so clever" rose
went to dig her pencil case
and took out a PROTRACTER
and gave mrs lim
then, mrs lim stunned
and we all started laughing at rose!
hahah
then junyi say she wanna go compass point
then we say it should be "protracter point" instead of compass point
and it was so funny
that i laugh until my stomach pain,
like can you imagine rose doing that?
she is suppose to be the smart one



Perhaps time will heal.
i try to stay happy and think positively,
but i dont know.
i feel as if nothing is happening
like everything is alright
but when i try to smile,
i just couldn't
is it because i've got so immune to it?
or maybe, i'm just acepting it



anyway i hope i dont feel this way for long
because it feels terrible, really terrible



there is opera tmr
i hope it will be fun.
and friday is the scary day
so i must be prepared to bring loads of tissue paper
and a bucket to fill my tears in case i've used finished the tissue papers
okay thats like so dramatic



but i'll just hope for the best

-------------

i really dont know why
its just that confusing yah?



i think i'm not the only one feeling the pressure
i've seen people going all sad because of the stress too
and i understand that its just part of what you have to go through
after all, i'm sec 4



well results are coming out this friday
will i do well? i have no idea.
but thats not the main point.
i know i've tried



today dance was sort of..
okay okay
slack to be exact
i didnt feel as if i couldnt catch my breath
in fact i only pant a little after we did the whole dance
hope tmr dance will be tiring



its the last training before the rehearsal
and we are going to try on our costumes tmr!!!
i like our costumes
it so nice (:



you know i've never believe in things like
"friends do care for you"
until i met this bunch of friends that i have now
because they proved me wrong
i can feel their love, their care
and i know they are always there when i need them
its nice to know that



oh and kelly was sick today and she had to ren3 during practice today
so poor thing
get well soon!



people might ask me
why do i like dance so much?
well i think i got stuck at that question
its like..why do i breathe?
i dont know how to put words together to express my passion for it
i blog about dance, because it makes me feel better
its a form of releasing stress
some might say i'm like totally crazy over dance.



but i'm proud of it.



i think i know what nicole means,
i feel the same way as her.
to us,
we've never worked so hard for anything in our lives before,
its just so important
and we expect alot from it
all we can do is keep trying
and cling on to that glimpse of hope.



"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."

-------------

well i'm blogging for the second time today
i dont know why i keep blogging today lah
just felt like it.
somebody praise me please!
its not that i have so much free time lah
i'm very busy you know



yup so as i was thinking about some stuffs just now
realise that i was actually in a down mood after school today
you know just as i was walking around with limin and valerie,
i really felt like crying
and tears literally welled up in my eyes



its not totally because of physics
but its just...
so many things are happening
and i just dont know how to sort it out
like everyday i go to school,
BAM! something just comes in my way and adds on to the pressure



i do give myself some pressure,
but i just feel so weighed down
and sometimes i just want to be alone



i'm writing this because i just want to express how i'm feeling
you know its feels terrible to keep it to yourself
and i just...need to talk



you know there are moments when
you feel like not dancing
does that mean that you dont like it?
the answer is no.



recently i'm feeling like this
everyone wants to do great
and its getting into me
i do still look forward to practices
but maybe now with an extra tint
of scaredness, and perhaps disappointment.
sometimes i will just pass a remark
saying " can i not go for dance? "




but deep down somewhere in your heart,
you know you really love to dance



and i really dont know what i'm thinking now

-------------

well today was kinda
a sad sad day for 405
physics was dissapointing
and i'm guilty ):
sorry mr chan!



so decided to find mdm gwee after school
cos she asked me to go find her
and i find her like how many donkey times
but cannot find
in the end just went with limin and valerie
go walk walk
then went for dance



we did this cute little dance during dance today
and we were all laughing lah
its cute!
imagine little childrens were dancing that dance..



well new year performance is coming up next week
and i think we will go there throw face lo
the cny dance is so...messy
ahhah but its still an achievement for such a short period of time lah



these few days are so...
i dont know how to say
but i just feel something inside me
i cant catch up!



and i realise that my posts are all so..
i dont know
like my ideas are always skipping from one to another
so if you manage to understand what i'm writing
kudos to you!



bye(:

-------------

okay i'm blogging for today!
second time
cos i didnt blog ytd



hmm well had tuition
and it was...inspiring.
what mr ng told us was so true
and to tell the truth
i felt something inside me after he talked to us
we should work hard.



so after that i went with elizabeth
to kampong chai chee cc
and when we were on the train there
elizabeth received a message from her mother
asking her to go back now



and in that instant
my heart literally sank
i dont know why also
i didnt know i would feel this way
but it just did lah.
i guess deep down i felt excited about going there
although i didnt exactly show any interest on the outside



anyway we met the teacher who graduated
from hkapa
and she is SO FRIENDLY!
and she gave us alot of infomation (:
yay!



i put a song in my blog
its "wo ke yi"
by cai min you
i like this song (:


okay dance rehearsal is officially less than one week away
am i excited?
well yes.
am i scared?
SUPER SCARED!
am i going to let my feelings affect me?
definately not!



i love my friends
because i know they care (:

-------------

woops i forgot to blog yesterday!
so i shall blog now about yesterday
and then at night i will blog about today
haha



well yesterday we had FLAG DAY!
it was FUN!
i got meet so many different people
and see so many different reactions
ahhah
and i finished all my stickers before time runs out!
yay! my can was heavy okay



junyi, shauna, farah and me went together
then when we reach there
we splited up
and i went to the HDB flats there
the people are so friendly!
collected alot of money for the
singapore disability sports council



okay so had tuition after that
and i seriously dont understand at all lah
i think i'm gonna fail my test :(



hmm and i know i'm not the worst
but i have to be so much better than now
to get into apa
i'm scared! i want to get in
and i hope elizabeth does too



i was showing my mother my dance exam results
and i realised that i'm really happy with it!
maybe cos it was my first time
but i'm really happy!!
it really shows my efforts (:



but i need to be better this year
because i want that distinction again.

-------------

so its the last school day of the week again
but i have to go back to school tmr
for flag day..
then i have tuition at 4pm!
yay!! can have mr ng's lesson



anyway today school was super slack
we totally slack throughout chinese
cos there was no teacher
and the few of us ended up talking up about tuition
any gosh so many ppl in our class know who is mr ng??
they were his students before
i should have joined last year lah
then my maths wouldn't be the state it is in now
hahah



after school went to dance room
to fool around with nicole and joey
we were doing all the crazy dance moves
trying to pose with the fan while doing a da tiao
its was nice okay
anyway, i love da tiaos (:



slept in the slr for about one hour
i was so tired lah
then had dinner with some SLs



went for nafa later at night
we finally got back our exam results
and certificates!!
i saw the judge's comments ahhaha
i think i'm satisfied with my results hehes (:
i'm gonna keep it properly!!



and i think i seriously need some improvement
i feel that my strength is deproving
and i cant let it deprove
its one of the best things i have in dance
what am i going to do without it?
my technique is already as lousy at it is



sometimes simple things like this can
can make me feel down for days
you know when you really respect someone alot
and really look up to them
every single word that person say will definately affect you



so far there is only one person in the world
who can have that impact on me
and whatever she says really matters to me ALOT
even a simple bad remark she says
i will just feel so so sad
and guilty, in a way
i dont know why, but its just how i feel
maybe thats the way i learn to improve



well i know we must have confidence in ourselves
its really important when we dance
but somehow, the confidence level in me is dropping
day by day, practices by practices
and now i really dont know if i can dance well



but i still want to encourage every dancer out there
to believe that you can do it
because confidence is the key



have more faith (:

-------------

i just reached home from tuition
and its so late
cos we went to grab some food after tuition today haha
anyway shi jie joined our tuition today!
and she thinks that mr ng is very shuai too!
i think he is good looking.
anyway during tuition he told me
" ruimin. you have a very nice name (: "
hahah then munling so extra go say that her name is so cool
okay fine enough of tuition hahs



today had opera after school
it was fun towards the end
and tang laoshi was very serious
in a good way though
his words really make me think of the times
when we worked so hard for Denmark
all the scoldings we've been through
we stuck together, gave encouragement
and finally presenting such an amazing show on stage
that was the best times i had in xinmin



so i've been blogging for eight days in a row
yayes!
i shall try and blog as often
oh yah i'm having flag day this saturday
not really looking forward
but i kinda wanna try how flag day is
cos i've never done it before
gonna collects loads of money!!



today was kind of a slack after recess
cos i had so much free time and miss chan was not in school
but i spent my time wisely doing A.maths
haha
oh and i like LOCI
its so fun doing LOCI questions!



well like munling always say
so fast its the end of the week
and next week will come really soon
i agree too
then its tests and tests again
aww...
we are getting our o'level chinese results next week
lets hope everyone will do great!



hahah shall stop here now
bye!

-------------

i would be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed

well camp is cancelled.
for certain reasons,
but yah..i mean theres nothing i can do now,
i tried to fight for having a camp
but i dont make the decisions.
i guess i will just acept it
i mean things don't always go your way right?

i really felt that this camp will be useful for us
although i know that it is only a one night camp,
but there are loads of things we can acheive during this period of time.
people say that it is not advisable because theres not alot you can acheive in one day,
but i am confident that this camp will be a great one
and if i had to chance a make the camp happen,
i can say that the whole situation in dance now will improve
and the camp will be a successful one
we've plan the games and things we want to do during the camp
and i think every game will benifit us with the whole situation now
what we lack now is people to believe in us and give us the chance
just have faith that we can do it, its all we ask for.
we are more than happy to make this happen.

but somehow, everything cant be going the right way in life
if we are not allowed to have the camp,
it means we are not allowed
i will acept the decisions and opinions of everyone lah
i understand the reasons for not being able to have it

but i just feel abit disappointed
i mean its normal to feel this way
afterall, i was so looking forward to it.
and i just wanted to express how i felt.

oh and i think we will not get distracted during training because of the camp,
in fact, we will be even more serious,
because the purpose of this camp is to help us to perform better during trainings,
and we know how to draw the line between having fun, and training seriously
so..yup thats how i feel

although i know that we cant have the camp,
but i still have confidence that we will be able to change the way things are in dance,
if the camp really happens.

anyway, lets talk about school today.
well, it was okay
during cca my legs were so wobbly for no reason hahah
and we talked about something after cca,
and its so scary lah
wonder if it is true or not

there is no tuition tmr
because mr ng is going for reservice
hahah but we have extra lessons on saturday
tmr is thursday and its gonna be another long day..as usual.

oh yah, best of luck to everyone taking the big chemistry test tmr! (:
-------------

well i was feeling extremly tired in school
felt like sleeping for almost every lesson
argh i need more sleep!!

anyway was having english self-study
then halfway,
heard teacher came extra early today
so i left extra early too
haha

anyway cca passed super fast today
dont know why
but its like time really flies during cca today lah
and kelly was so shock when lesson was over
hahha her reaction was funny lah
then went home with the dancers
and we talked about interesting stuffs on the way
hahah

during cca,
i felt that today was quite okay
we didnt do warm ups together
so i think i wont be aching much tmr lah
and i actually miss doing warm ups together!
its tiring though, but extremly fun!!
then all of us sweat together
hahha!! love that feeling!
if not i will feel super fat.
okay wait, i am kind of fat =x
oh well.
and i love love doing da tiaos!!
so fun so fun so fun (:

well i want to go for physics practical
heard it was super fun
when can i go???

some literature students are going to miss chan's house this sunday
and i can't go cos i'm not free
sad, but i'll go next time!
hope there will be a next time hehes

i really hope i will not feel sleepy tmr
i want to survive in class one haha.

anyway i think we are getting back our emaths test paper tmr
pray really hard that i will do okay!!
oh someone transfered to our class a few days ago,
so now we have 47 people in our class
haha rose's reaction was funny when she heard it(:

i think i need to sleep early today
if not it will be terrible in school tmr
goodnight.
-------------

hmm nothing much happened today
except for investiture!!
it was fun lah (:

well morning had announcement
and its my last announcement ):
its kind of fun actually haha!

went to class and it was basically quite slacky
we had our probability test back
and mrs lim say i very 'kan chiong' haha
but oh well

so had rehearsal
then we went to change
it started and ended very fast
after that we went to the library for the sharing session
and me, junyi and isaiah were talking to the SLs from nygh
and it was okay lah
abit quiet
so everyone started talking about cold jokes
and they are all super super lame
haha but it was interesting lah

after that i went to the sl room for a while
and some of us went to have dinner and went home

well, i think i need loads of sleep
feeling so sleepy lah.

bye!
-------------

i missed tuition today!!!
cos i overslept
and i totally forgot about it!!
ahh!!! how could i?!?! ):
my mum woke me up and said
" girl arh, you miss your tuition arh? "
aiyo...i feel bad for missing it

so i woke up after that
and then i was kind of bored,
so elizabeth asked me to go to her house
and i went,
our house is so near.

watched television,
played abit of mahjong
then we went with her siblings out for dinner
because her parents are both at work
and they will be coming back really late
it was kind of fun
just that elizabeth was suffering
and she was showing it, to us.

but its okay lah
its normal elizabeth! (:

oh my, tmr is my announcement duty!
ahh i am going to make a fool out of myself lah
and there is investiture tmr
good luck to everyone!
hope everything goes well (:
-------------

well its past midnight already
i just reached home.

went to school early in the morning
for invest rehearsal
it was the same,
just some walking thing
and taking the pledge thing
left after lunch so i missed the part after lunch
hope i know what to do on monday!

so i went home
then i changed and went out,
to esplanade
to catch 'secret love in peach blossom land'
i'm so glad i went to buy the tickets yesterday!
it was a GREAT show!
my love for chinese opera is starting to get back to me slowly
i really really wanna go for opera practice now,
as in go for practice to prepare for a show i will be acting in,
but that will only happen like after one month?
i am so looking forward to the youth opera showcase!!

then at night
went for supper with elizabeth and nathaniel
it was fun i guess
nathaniel is quite a nice person
only got to know him today
he is very gentleman lah.
we told really dumb jokes
and elizabeth was struggling to eat properly with her braces
so poor thing.

haha oh yah!
then after the show at esplanade,
went to catch the dance performances at raffles city,
by the students from guangzhou
and it was NICE!!
they look like our age
and they are good lah
i like ming2 jian1 wu3 alot
classical is nice too lah

aiyah, in conclusion
i love chinese dance! <3
-------------

well today was not a good day for me.
we had english test and chinese test
this week was filled with test.
we had literature test yesterday also

anyway after school went for invest rehearsal
it was okay i think
i just felt normal and did what i was suppose to do
there were quite little student leaders who came
guess there will be more tmr
had lunch with SLs after that

before dance i went to bugis to get tickets for tmr's show
then walked to nafa.
today was kind of okay
except for the fact that i am so pathetically unflexible.
we did classical for the whole lesson.
and at the start when we did the warm up with the music,
both my legs got cramps
and it was super pain!
i was trying to bear with it, it was so terrible lah.
this shows that i need more calcium.
and i pity someone in our class for smth that happened today
its like so so sad lah.
so ke3 lian2

anyway i felt sad after dance
because we didnt do dai zu ):
-------------

tuition just ended
and i love today's tuition
becasue we did differentiation trigonometry
which is so nice
because i know how to do it yay!
although there are careless mistakes here and there.

anwyay syf is on the 9th april!
its a monday.
i am so excited!!
we have 46 more days
and about 15 more practices
how little is that????

i really hope we will improve FASTER
because the pace we are at now is so...not good.
we are not there yet,
but i'm sure we will get there (:
hope all syf dancers will put in their best!

you know sometimes,
i feel that we are kind of selfish,
even me.
we always sit around and rest,
we didnt even bother to find the ones who are weaker
and try to help them with their steps.
afterall, we are aiming for the same thing
and doing it together as a team.

many of us have other commitments,
i understand.
having to cope with so many things is not easy.
especially when you have pressure coming from everyone of them
but when it comes to cca, i hope everyone will be serious,
we have extremly high expectations to meet
and i really wish everyone will do well

i dont want to see a situation where
we really have no choice but to cut off people from syf
because then all your efforts will be for nothing
and i'm sure you will feel terrible.
i really don't want to see such a day.
it will be so devastating, really.

what i want to say is,
dare to dance.
only then will you be able to move freely
and express all that is inside you
let the feelings show,
dont hide it!
there's just so many feelings that can be shown in this dance
and when you are unsure of certain things
ask.
get someone you are comfortable with and ask.
its really gonna help you alot
and thats how you learn,
thats how you improve.

i remember when i was sec one
i was so afraid of laoshi,
because i found her quite fierce
and i didnt dare to do the movements
my actions are all so small and confined.
i felt really uncomfortable while dancing
i was hesitating before every training
i didnt really like it

but as i danced more and more with the seniors,
i saw their passion
i saw how they expressed themselves through their movements
and i tried, i took the first step.
it was then i slowly realise how beautiful dance was
and i started to fall deeply in love with it.
i feel so good just being able to dance
because i didnt have to think about all the stress out there,
and just immerse myself into the music.
getting into the syf that time
was really something that boosted me to work harder.
i saw dance in a deeper level
and cca became something i looked forward to every week.

everytime cca ended on that day,
i will have this little bit of sadness in me,
because cca is over and i dont get to dance anymore.
i just felt like dancing somemore.

during our practices for kaleidoscope,
i remember almost everytime after practice,
the few of us will always stay back on our own to do hong2shan4
or we will request for laoshi to let us dance hongshan one more time before she leaves
and it is because all of us really love the dance
and we dont mind doing it over and over again
although everytime after that,
we will be panting and panting
and complaining of the stupid mistakes we make during the dance.

despite everything, we didnt mind all the bruises on our knees
because of all the kneeling and rolling on the floor.
we were willing to sacrifice.
and everytime when laoshi wants to pai2 hongshan during that practice,
we will all be smiling to ourselves for no particular reason,
we just felt happy that we will be doing hongshan that day.

that is what i call passion.

when i was a junior,
i look up to my seniors.
i mean, afterall there are the more experienced ones.
i guess they are the ones who gave me that little amount of courage that i have now,
because they made me realise that it is perfectly okay to just dance freely.
dont constrain yourself, i mean, what for?
as long as you dance from your heart
i'm sure that you will shine!

anyway, its just a matter if you are willing to try and take that first step.
dont be afraid of suffering,
because i tell you, you are going to feel the pain,
muscle aches, your leotard soaking wet with your sweat.
its just what you have to go through.
its like, no pain no gain, right?

keep that passion burning in you.
remember,
use your heart to feel it.
its makes ALOT of difference,
and its what differentiate a good dancer and a not so good one.

"Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another." ~anonymous
-------------

today is totally NOT my cca day
i feel so...argh.
its like, i am not in the mood
i am feeling very tired
I HAVE TERRIBLE STOMACHACHE
and i just cant dance properly ):

i've disapointed myself. alot

i hate it when i start to regret after training
the feeling is so, nan2 shou4
i really have no strength to dance today at all
i tried to have more bao4 fa1 li4
but when i do it, my legs are like so song1
and my hands and legs were shivering even when i'm not dancing
weird huh?
i think i'm really tired lah.

anyway today's maths test was super weird
i still dont understand how can you sheer a triangle diagonally?
its so weird lah..left that question blank
cos i dont know how to do it..

but anyway the thing that cheered me up today
was when me, rose, junyi and munling went to the coffeeshop,
and we started talking about dreams(the one you have when you sleep)
and it was so funny!
because everyone of us have ridiculous dreams
its so dumb lah

oh and during dance
joey went to hit limin's butt
and the sound it creates is SO different from all of ours
its like..hollow?
i dont know.
then vanessa say limin wears pampers,
and its so funny lah!!
i laugh until my whole face red!
me and nicole just couldn't stop laughing
hahah

tmr is gonna be a long and tiring day
thursdays are always the hardest to survive.
hope things will go well tmr!

i really wanna do dai zu wu (man4 ban3)
-------------

well woke up at around 10.15 today
and i watched the cctv cny countdown
it was NICE
the dances were beautiful.
reminds me of the concert that we went to watch in yunnan.
and the mo suo guy,hehes

anyway wang ya bin performed
and i love her lah
she's beautiful and such a GREAT dancer!

then did some stuffs at home
nothing much lah
my parents and my brother went shopping without me
cos i was sleeping
hahah but its okay
i like staying at home
because i get to spend time with myself
and do what i want to do

actually i was quite happy and looking forward to school tmr,
because theres cca
but once i think of the MATHS TEST TMR
my whole mood went like...DOWN ):
why must there be a test when the new year mood is like so happy
although its like a LOCI and transformation test,
i still dont like test.

okay enough of that.
i must say i learnt alot in malaysia
because my aunties and uncles LOVE to talk
and they always gather to talk.
talk about everything,
talk about their children,
the society,
moral values,
everything!!

and i just happen to sit around because i was munching at the new year goodies there,
i heard what they were talking about lah
and they said loads of very meaningful stuffs
once they talked about passion..AGAIN.
and they keep saying things like,
follow your heart,
you dont have to have a reason to do it,
you just do it because you want to
and you know its what you want.
you dont even have to think,
as long as you are happy
because its all you ever want to do.

but somehow, whats the use of saying all these.
because when it happens to your own daughter,
these words no longer exist.
i mean like, why can't you all just understand?
i REALLY REALLY want your support
and i dont want to go ahead with it without all of you cheering behind me
because i wouldn't be happy then.

i pray everytime, hoping for your aceptance,
but it never happens.
and i'm starting to lose that hope already.
i try even harder to make you realise how important this is to me
but somehow, you treat it as if i was joking.
i'm not.

everytime we come to this topic,
you tell me
" wait till the end of the year, if you still want it, then we will let you go "
it sounds so simple,
but i have a very strong feeling that you will go back on your words at the end of the year.

i'm sixteen this year.
i want to decide my own future.
not you.
all i want is your support
because i know i will work hard,
i will work very very hard,
trust me, please.

sometimes i really wished i had elizabeth's parents
-------------

hello!
i'm back from malaysia
and i had SO MUCH fun there

it was such a crazy new year
filled with so much love and happiness
I JUST LOVE MY RELATIVES
i dont think i will go into details of what i did
because i did so many things (:

anyway i collected loads of ang pau
and i'm richer now!
but the money stills goes to the bank lah
haha

i'm watching forbidden city on arts central now
its nice!
reminds me when i went to watch it LIVE with junyi and munling
the show is nice
and the songs are so beautiful
they just sing so well!

my cousins in malaysia have one week of chinese new year holiday
and we have to go to school on wednesday
haha
oh yah, i dont think i can go to MrC's house tmr
but its okay lah

tonight i'm gonna sleep with my cosy bed!
yay!

okay, off to watch forbidden city (:
-------------

woke up super early today
left the house at 4am to drive to malaysia
the car was so squeezy
because the whole family went
reached at about 9am today

i'm in my cousin's house in kuala lumpur
and i brought my mother's labtop
so i can blog!! yay!

we went shopping today
and so many funny things happened
my cousins totally rocks!
they are so funny!!
doing all the stupid things
i laugh until my stomach ache lah

had dinner and all my relatives came
oh yah, we had pizza hut for lunch
it was yummy (:

i'm coming back on monday
and i want to go MrC house on tuesday!!

everyone is playing computer and playstation now
and eating tidbits
then the adults are talking talking talking
its been quite long since i met my cousins
and most of them changed so much
as in they are all SO TALL AND SKINNY
i'm like...oh no..
i'm still so short lah
and people slimmed down
and i didn't

the atmosphere here is so re4 nao4
i'm super full
gonna get fat

hais.
i miss my cosy bed at home
hahah
hope everyone had a fun day!!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
-------------

i'm going to malaysia really really soon
and i haven't pack yet

hahah
yay chinese new year is coming(:
today during nafa
laoshi gave us sweets to eat
and it was nice!

we did tribal dances today
and IT WAS FUN FUN FUN <3
totally love dai zu wu!!

had chinese new year celebration in school today
i love our hair
and eye make-up
its so nice
and i so wanted to keep the pie shan
because they are so pretty

okay i need to go pack hehes
bye!

i hope i get to blog in malysia (:
-------------

what a long and tiring day
and i am so tired

apparently, i blogged just now
but my post went blank suddenly
and all the things that i typed were gone!

so i shall not type it again
because i am tired enough already

anwyay went for the volleyball match today
and xinmin rocks!
our volleyball teams are all so good and powerful!!
we won!

went for chinese opera after that
and it was nice because
we watched a really nice video
haha

had dinner with munling after that
and went for tuition at night
by the time it ended
it was so late already

i feel so tired
and i just want to sleep now

goodnight(:
-------------

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
today was nice(:
because there is the spirit of giving!
(okay thats for christmas, but nevermind)

yup thank you to everyone who gave me gifts and flowers!
they are all so nice
and SWEET (:
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
love them all!!

anyway today during mrs lim's lesson
she was telling us so many stories,
ghost stories!
and the whole class was addicted to it
kept asking her to tell somemore hahah

cca today was just alright
as usual
and friday is the cny performance
hahah but the dance is messy =x

i have a.maths homework today
and it is alot of questions!
i think i will do until i die

valentine's day is going to be over
and chinese new year is coming!
i will be going to malaysia on saturday
so maybe i wont be able to blog ):
hope i have fun there!

anwyay off to do my homework now!
hope everyone enjoyed valentine's day (:
-------------

i am so gonna fail my a.maths test
i only know how to do very few questions

after school today
we had cny rehearsal!!
IT WAS SUPER SUPER SUNNY AT THE PARADE SQUARE
and so hot!
THE WIND WAS SO STRONG
and all our fans ended up flying everywhere
so we all just laugh laugh laugh
and didnt really dance hahah

then cca was okay lah..
but i was super tired by that time
because we kept doing the cny dance
then i was panting
i haven't warm up yet
and we had to do syf dance

so i was totally not in my best form
aiyah must improve my stamina already

oh and my knee really hurts!!
the blueblacks are getting worse lah
and its so painful!
especially the cut on my knee ):

anyway today something terrible happenned during recess
it was kind of scary
poor munling and junyi kena splash alot
until the back of their uniforms were so dirty

hmm..
valentines day is tmr!
love is in the air <3
-------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNLING!! <3

a.maths test is postponed till tmr
aiyah...i am so not ready for it ):

during english today,
we watched finish the movie 'the miricle worker'
i think its such a GREAT show
so nice, and its based on a true story
i wanna watch again

oh and we went to deliver the hamper today
it was fun
cos we talked alot
and made so many jokes in mr pah's car haha
i want to deliver again!!

after school went to transfer the things
from old dance room to new dance room
and the first box i carried was so big lah
then i so small size
abit difficult for me to carry lah
hahaha

then during dance,
we tried on the cny performance costume
and we messed up the whole place
but we're gonna clean it up tmr.
there's cny rehearsal tmr after school
and we danced with the performance fan today

my knee hurts
because there are alot of blueblacks on it
and theres one on my shoulder which aches as well
but it will get better soon
i hope (:
-------------

i'm back from rehearsal
well how did it go?

i think it started out abit messy
and not everyone was in the mood
then anyhow run here run there

but the most important thing is
we all started to realise that time was passing super fast
then the mood was serious
even backstage
i saw people practising while waiting for their turn to go out
and i felt..glad
i was expecting like loads of chit-chats
and laughing here and there
but they did not.
they were practising!
i'm so proud of xinmin chinese dance!

overall it was okay.
i love our costume
its so nice!! (:
oh and my costume is still too short for me
but i still love it anyway

i have a.maths test tmr
hais..

oh well, life goes on (quoted from rose) (:
-------------

i finally changed my blogskin
for the first time
hahaha
i think its clearer to read from this blogskin

anyway i'm less than 24 hours away from rehearsal
excited excited excited.

went out with my mum just now
and saw the dance performance at raffles city
then we went to buy new year goodies
hahah i was sweating cos it was so hot inside the 'market' there

munling's birthday is on monday!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
rose, junyi, munling and me were suppose to go out today
but junyi fell sick today
and rose was busy
so we didnt go out in the end
but nevermind (:
we will go out again
GET WELL SOON JUNYI!

school is coming and passing so quickly
and soon i will be stepping down from cca
felt really sad about it ):
i dont ever wanna step down!
i just love my cca so much
the people
the teachers
my friends
and of course,
just being able to dance (:
-------------

i'm back!
okay i'm sorry that i didnt blog so much yesterday
cos i didnt have so much time



anyway during english today,
we watched "the miricle worker"
its such a nice show!!
but we didnt finish it because lesson ended
cant wait to continue watching it!



and i'm so amazed by 405
you know why?
today mrs lim didnt come for lessons
and we were suppose to end lessons at 12.30
but everyone stayed back until about 1.30-2.00
just to finish the work that mrs lim gave
and nobody complained(:
if it was last year
i think the whole class would leave on the dot
and not care about the work lor haha
so i'm glad hehes
and i like transformation cos its like LOCI (:



results were out today
I GOT A1 FOR CHINESE!
yup i'm so happy lah!
i really thought i wont do well
because my chinese had always been bad
and my prelims were lousy lah
when i saw the result slip
I SCREAMED LAH!
and then i dunno why i started crying
i guess i was so scared i didnt do well
and i just felt...relieved
thank you for letting me get A1



congratulations to all who has done well
our school did so well this year
and i'm proud of my school!



thank you munling for crying with me
although you didnt take any results
i'm so glad you feel happy for me
because it really shows what a true friend you are (:
we shall work hard together
and our faces will appear on the slides next year!



so after school went for nafa.
although i didnt do very well
and hun4 my way through
but i shall not brood over it
and stay happy
because today i got my A1!
yes that is good enough for me



oh that reminds me
rehearsal in two days?
ahhhh i'm totally so so super nervous!
but extremly excited as well (:
-------------

so late already
and i still have homework.
argh! i will try and do it later



oh and the results is tmr!!!
its scary lah.
i think i will not blog so much
because its late and i have english homework
but i'm still blogging now
because i try and make it a point to blog everyday now (:



i hope everyone do well!



and i'm talking to elizabeth now.
to elizabeth: you are so dramatic.



sunday is coming SO SOON!!
i hope it will turn out fine
really!
anyway,
just give it you best shot!



i have to stop now if not my english will be so untouched.
bye!
-------------

its wednesday again
and our last training before rehearsal is
officially over.



did i mention that i like our syf costume?
i love it!
today we tried on the costume
and its so pretty!
but my top was a little too short for me
so they are going to alter it and make it longer
this shows that i've grown taller (:



hmm today cca was kind of alright
cos we were left with little time
after we tried our costumes
it was a little tiring lah



and today the only happy part was during maths class
when rose wanted so much to express her stupidity
mrs lim was saying
"someone lend me a compass, hurry!"
then the "oh-so clever" rose
went to dig her pencil case
and took out a PROTRACTER
and gave mrs lim
then, mrs lim stunned
and we all started laughing at rose!
hahah
then junyi say she wanna go compass point
then we say it should be "protracter point" instead of compass point
and it was so funny
that i laugh until my stomach pain,
like can you imagine rose doing that?
she is suppose to be the smart one



Perhaps time will heal.
i try to stay happy and think positively,
but i dont know.
i feel as if nothing is happening
like everything is alright
but when i try to smile,
i just couldn't
is it because i've got so immune to it?
or maybe, i'm just acepting it



anyway i hope i dont feel this way for long
because it feels terrible, really terrible



there is opera tmr
i hope it will be fun.
and friday is the scary day
so i must be prepared to bring loads of tissue paper
and a bucket to fill my tears in case i've used finished the tissue papers
okay thats like so dramatic



but i'll just hope for the best
-------------

i really dont know why
its just that confusing yah?



i think i'm not the only one feeling the pressure
i've seen people going all sad because of the stress too
and i understand that its just part of what you have to go through
after all, i'm sec 4



well results are coming out this friday
will i do well? i have no idea.
but thats not the main point.
i know i've tried



today dance was sort of..
okay okay
slack to be exact
i didnt feel as if i couldnt catch my breath
in fact i only pant a little after we did the whole dance
hope tmr dance will be tiring



its the last training before the rehearsal
and we are going to try on our costumes tmr!!!
i like our costumes
it so nice (:



you know i've never believe in things like
"friends do care for you"
until i met this bunch of friends that i have now
because they proved me wrong
i can feel their love, their care
and i know they are always there when i need them
its nice to know that



oh and kelly was sick today and she had to ren3 during practice today
so poor thing
get well soon!



people might ask me
why do i like dance so much?
well i think i got stuck at that question
its like..why do i breathe?
i dont know how to put words together to express my passion for it
i blog about dance, because it makes me feel better
its a form of releasing stress
some might say i'm like totally crazy over dance.



but i'm proud of it.



i think i know what nicole means,
i feel the same way as her.
to us,
we've never worked so hard for anything in our lives before,
its just so important
and we expect alot from it
all we can do is keep trying
and cling on to that glimpse of hope.



"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."
-------------

well i'm blogging for the second time today
i dont know why i keep blogging today lah
just felt like it.
somebody praise me please!
its not that i have so much free time lah
i'm very busy you know



yup so as i was thinking about some stuffs just now
realise that i was actually in a down mood after school today
you know just as i was walking around with limin and valerie,
i really felt like crying
and tears literally welled up in my eyes



its not totally because of physics
but its just...
so many things are happening
and i just dont know how to sort it out
like everyday i go to school,
BAM! something just comes in my way and adds on to the pressure



i do give myself some pressure,
but i just feel so weighed down
and sometimes i just want to be alone



i'm writing this because i just want to express how i'm feeling
you know its feels terrible to keep it to yourself
and i just...need to talk



you know there are moments when
you feel like not dancing
does that mean that you dont like it?
the answer is no.



recently i'm feeling like this
everyone wants to do great
and its getting into me
i do still look forward to practices
but maybe now with an extra tint
of scaredness, and perhaps disappointment.
sometimes i will just pass a remark
saying " can i not go for dance? "




but deep down somewhere in your heart,
you know you really love to dance



and i really dont know what i'm thinking now
-------------

well today was kinda
a sad sad day for 405
physics was dissapointing
and i'm guilty ):
sorry mr chan!



so decided to find mdm gwee after school
cos she asked me to go find her
and i find her like how many donkey times
but cannot find
in the end just went with limin and valerie
go walk walk
then went for dance



we did this cute little dance during dance today
and we were all laughing lah
its cute!
imagine little childrens were dancing that dance..



well new year performance is coming up next week
and i think we will go there throw face lo
the cny dance is so...messy
ahhah but its still an achievement for such a short period of time lah



these few days are so...
i dont know how to say
but i just feel something inside me
i cant catch up!



and i realise that my posts are all so..
i dont know
like my ideas are always skipping from one to another
so if you manage to understand what i'm writing
kudos to you!



bye(:
-------------

okay i'm blogging for today!
second time
cos i didnt blog ytd



hmm well had tuition
and it was...inspiring.
what mr ng told us was so true
and to tell the truth
i felt something inside me after he talked to us
we should work hard.



so after that i went with elizabeth
to kampong chai chee cc
and when we were on the train there
elizabeth received a message from her mother
asking her to go back now



and in that instant
my heart literally sank
i dont know why also
i didnt know i would feel this way
but it just did lah.
i guess deep down i felt excited about going there
although i didnt exactly show any interest on the outside



anyway we met the teacher who graduated
from hkapa
and she is SO FRIENDLY!
and she gave us alot of infomation (:
yay!



i put a song in my blog
its "wo ke yi"
by cai min you
i like this song (:


okay dance rehearsal is officially less than one week away
am i excited?
well yes.
am i scared?
SUPER SCARED!
am i going to let my feelings affect me?
definately not!



i love my friends
because i know they care (:
-------------

woops i forgot to blog yesterday!
so i shall blog now about yesterday
and then at night i will blog about today
haha



well yesterday we had FLAG DAY!
it was FUN!
i got meet so many different people
and see so many different reactions
ahhah
and i finished all my stickers before time runs out!
yay! my can was heavy okay



junyi, shauna, farah and me went together
then when we reach there
we splited up
and i went to the HDB flats there
the people are so friendly!
collected alot of money for the
singapore disability sports council



okay so had tuition after that
and i seriously dont understand at all lah
i think i'm gonna fail my test :(



hmm and i know i'm not the worst
but i have to be so much better than now
to get into apa
i'm scared! i want to get in
and i hope elizabeth does too



i was showing my mother my dance exam results
and i realised that i'm really happy with it!
maybe cos it was my first time
but i'm really happy!!
it really shows my efforts (:



but i need to be better this year
because i want that distinction again.
-------------

so its the last school day of the week again
but i have to go back to school tmr
for flag day..
then i have tuition at 4pm!
yay!! can have mr ng's lesson



anyway today school was super slack
we totally slack throughout chinese
cos there was no teacher
and the few of us ended up talking up about tuition
any gosh so many ppl in our class know who is mr ng??
they were his students before
i should have joined last year lah
then my maths wouldn't be the state it is in now
hahah



after school went to dance room
to fool around with nicole and joey
we were doing all the crazy dance moves
trying to pose with the fan while doing a da tiao
its was nice okay
anyway, i love da tiaos (:



slept in the slr for about one hour
i was so tired lah
then had dinner with some SLs



went for nafa later at night
we finally got back our exam results
and certificates!!
i saw the judge's comments ahhaha
i think i'm satisfied with my results hehes (:
i'm gonna keep it properly!!



and i think i seriously need some improvement
i feel that my strength is deproving
and i cant let it deprove
its one of the best things i have in dance
what am i going to do without it?
my technique is already as lousy at it is



sometimes simple things like this can
can make me feel down for days
you know when you really respect someone alot
and really look up to them
every single word that person say will definately affect you



so far there is only one person in the world
who can have that impact on me
and whatever she says really matters to me ALOT
even a simple bad remark she says
i will just feel so so sad
and guilty, in a way
i dont know why, but its just how i feel
maybe thats the way i learn to improve



well i know we must have confidence in ourselves
its really important when we dance
but somehow, the confidence level in me is dropping
day by day, practices by practices
and now i really dont know if i can dance well



but i still want to encourage every dancer out there
to believe that you can do it
because confidence is the key



have more faith (:
-------------

i just reached home from tuition
and its so late
cos we went to grab some food after tuition today haha
anyway shi jie joined our tuition today!
and she thinks that mr ng is very shuai too!
i think he is good looking.
anyway during tuition he told me
" ruimin. you have a very nice name (: "
hahah then munling so extra go say that her name is so cool
okay fine enough of tuition hahs



today had opera after school
it was fun towards the end
and tang laoshi was very serious
in a good way though
his words really make me think of the times
when we worked so hard for Denmark
all the scoldings we've been through
we stuck together, gave encouragement
and finally presenting such an amazing show on stage
that was the best times i had in xinmin



so i've been blogging for eight days in a row
yayes!
i shall try and blog as often
oh yah i'm having flag day this saturday
not really looking forward
but i kinda wanna try how flag day is
cos i've never done it before
gonna collects loads of money!!



today was kind of a slack after recess
cos i had so much free time and miss chan was not in school
but i spent my time wisely doing A.maths
haha
oh and i like LOCI
its so fun doing LOCI questions!



well like munling always say
so fast its the end of the week
and next week will come really soon
i agree too
then its tests and tests again
aww...
we are getting our o'level chinese results next week
lets hope everyone will do great!



hahah shall stop here now
bye!
-------------

Ruimin. 15 May. Dancer. The HongKong Academy for Performing Arts

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