Monday, August 31, 2009 // 8:02 PM
its been another day of hongkong.
can't really say i've settled in already, cos i still keep thinking of Singapore.
but oh well, at least there are proper things for me to do today.
went back to school for some orientation things, saw a lot of people who actually bothered to come back for this talk thing. Managed to catch up a little bit with the classmates, and i guess everyone has changed their image in one way or another (other than me ofcourse) and its good to feel the atmosphere of school again..
sometimes i really hate to be alone at home at night. it really makes me think of so many things, and the past two night were really terrible for me. but i'm much better now, i just have to keep reminding myself that school starts tmr and dance classes starts on wednesday, at least it'll keep me busy for a little while.
i feel so sorry for elizabeth. I don't dare to imagine how it feels to not be able to start school where you are all here and ready, and two weeks isn't a short period of time
even i feel stiff and uncomfortable not dancing for 6 days since i've been back here in hongkong.
Its weird.
I'm not excited for school, i'm not looking forward to living here in Hongkong.
Call me a spoilt brat but i want to be back with my family.
haha, i know i can't
and i know i will still stay here to finish my studies.
i've never doubt my decision to come to hkapa to dance, but i think i've underestimated how i would be able to cope with the environment and life here alone.
and i really thought that i've learnt to be able to live by myself after one year, and to say the truth, i've been starting to enjoy living alone towards the end of last year, but somehow this summer trip back to Singapore made me so attached to everything there again.
It hard to keep switching like that you know, to have to constantly change the lives you have in Hongkong and Singapore.
Right now, i just want to keep myself busy, to go for a zillion dance classes, to have the motivation and self-disipline to improve my dancing, and to not get fat.
to a really special someone,
Sometime things aren't what you've expected and it can be really hard to get used to, but i believe with time, things will slowly fall into place. School, house, friends, life. This period of time may be be difficult, but you'll definately get through it.
Coming to hongkong with nothing can be quite saddening, but its really up to you to make yourself be happier living here, to make friends, to take initiatives.
It may feel a little scary, it may feel weird, but i think it's important to take that first step, because seriously, its your life that you're living.
I know it sucks to have to do everything by yourself, I wish i could be there whenever you need help, and i'll feel sad when things are beyond my control, but i hope that you know, i just a phonecall away.
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// 12:40 AM
i miss home a lot.
and i really really wished that my mother could be beside me right now.
Its really hard for me, i don't know why..
i just want to go back to Singapore right now.
and its so shitty cos now everyone will think that i'm such a 3 min person.
i don't really know what exactly is going through my mind now
but all that i know is, my life now sucks.
i hate it. and i don't know what to do with it now.
so what if i have friends here in hongkong, i realise that at times when i really need someone beside me, the only person who will always be there to listen to me, is my mother.
even if she doesn't know all my problems, i just feel contented as long as she is beside me.
and i know i haven't really been spending time back home for the past 2 months, but i really really enjoy being in the house, knowing that my family is here with me.
my throat is feeling sour, my heart is sore. I can't help it.
and i don't know how to save myself anymore.
sometimes, i feel like i can't talk to any of my friends, maybe its just me being oversensative, but i feel like i'm like a back up plan, and the friendship is just there because it was there all along.
ahh, i should have guessed, we'll all make other friends as time passes by.
i'm starting to lose control of myself, starting to be an irritating spoilt brat. i'm sorry if i was attention seeking, i'm sorry if i kept repeating my lines, it just sucks to be alone you know.
and i feel like crap now.
but who cares lah right.
everything is not what it's supposed to be and i'm just so tired of all these.
i'm not brave, i'm not strong and two nights of crying ain't gonna solve all these problems.
but i really can't help it, when i think of everything.
i just wanna hug my mother right now
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