Thursday, April 25, 2013 // 10:21 PM
脚受伤了。。郁闷郁闷 T.T
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Monday, April 08, 2013 // 9:27 PM
last two months before school ends. i just want to enjoy myself in every single class thats left. i know the people may be hard to face at times, but anger won't bring me anywhere. have been feeling quite a lot of screwed up emotions regarding school lately. but somehow, thinking about the girls coming over in less that a month's time, i feel like everything will be alright and that there are still people who genuinely loves me and won't turn their backs against me so easily. I miss people like that. i can slowly see my life for the next one year, i'm a little relived, not so much regrets yet. scared, yet excited. come to think, when i started school this year, i've been gradually feeling this sense of loss, and right until now, its been there, accumulating until its on the brink of overwhelming me. I know the end of two months from now will not be easy on me， but i want to embrace it.
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Sunday, March 17, 2013 // 12:36 AM
心好烦，心好烦。 was so upset yesterday. in no mood for the whole day, until rehearsal it was better when i got to play around. i feel like i'm sleepy but i really can't get to sleep. my brain just can't stop working T.T having greys anatomy to look forward to really made me feel better :) 要自信点，自信点！
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Saturday, March 02, 2013 // 12:07 AM
its 11pm and i can finally sit down and chill a little. today has been a really long day. a really bad long day in fact. the day didn't start out well in the morning and as the day went on, it didn't get any better either. i honestly don't know what went wrong in technique. folk was just..not ready for solo and new big fan which i cannot control properly yet, when yu laoshi said that i had a very smooth life, i really really want to, at that moment tell her NO straight in the face. it just shows how much you don't understand me, so don't judge me like you know my whole life and relate it to how my dancing sucks. when you ask me what can make me cry, i just want to look you in the eye and say, THIS FREAKING CHINESE STREAM. but ofcourse i didn't, because i am a coward. Lunch was just..didn't have lunch at all. jazz just wasn't jazz, it was more of ballroom, yes i've always wanted to learn ballroom but i mean i didn't sign up for jazz to get ballroom, i signed up for jazz to get jazz(this might just be the angsty me talking)then rep was just nothing because i'm honestly non-existant in this piece and rehearsals for this piece just further emphasize my non-existance.had to rush to chor rehearsal after that. well at least there was progression in the choreography(one tiny good thing finally)but the dancing just wasn't there. no quality, just moving arms and legs to complete actions.(but thats kind of my problem because i can't bring myself to shout/ be sarcastic to them to show my displease. i just honestly hope that my faith in their professionalism will be shown onstage. *please dance it properly T.T* )
okay enough ranting about today. have an audition early tmr. really last minute but no harm trying lah. am free anyway. i don't know what to do for my solo. not prepared argh. oh speaking about not prepared, i am super scared for yuze's chor 1. tried practising it yesterday and omgggggg i suck. confidence level just dropped 1000.
i just want to listen to 9.33fm now and not have to think about school. ok right after i typed this sentence, i just receive a msg about the complicated and fustrating problem regarding the clash of timeslot for chor 进台. seriously man..
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Tuesday, February 26, 2013 // 10:53 PM
Been having many sleepless nights, kinda miss those days where rehearsal for wazu and cadence can get me sleeping the moment i lie down on my bed. Thankfully i have running man to accompany me through the night :p
I'm quite scared and worried for my piece for chor 2 and also dancing for yuze's chor 1 piece. i am so gonna screw up onstage man T.T okay must practise must practise, must put in more effort ruimin and try your best up till performance day. realise i only have 3 more months left in this school. heart sank just thinking of it.
busy month coming up, am excited :)
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Sunday, February 24, 2013 // 11:46 AM
Felt a little wasted last night. but managed to walk home from central. was dizzy but am clear headed. i kind of don't understand why people like to feel this way, its so 辛苦 and not relaxing, makes me feel like i can't dance because i can't even control myself properly. but the drinks were nice last night :) slept till now, because i just don't want to get up so early. i wished we have school everyday though, am getting tired of these relaxing weekends. okay fine i do have assignments to complete, and i started on research project yesterday only to find myself reading my alien language notes that i don't even understand now. have to borrow the dvd from gary gorden again :(
am getting a little nervous about choreo, hope tmr's rehearsal will be productive and that i can get the last part done. and hope the lighting and SM will be okay with everything when they watch rehearsal tmr. hope music comes soon. oh crap and still got grad show proposal............................
miss having genuine friends around.
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Saturday, February 23, 2013 // 12:06 AM
Other than worrying about after grad (though its getting me nowhere really),I'm really excited to jump back into dancing. I'm happy that there are so many things happening soon, as much as i feel unprepared for open day, choreographic workshop, dance 2, i'm still secretly happy that there is so much dancing to be done.I can definately feel the effects of not dancing for cny hols, ifreakingcan'tstandproperlyinclass-.- but i tell myself to give myself some time, some time to recover, just take it at my own pace. i don't mean slow down and slack off, but just give me my time to feel. 有些事是急不来的. I love classes in school, and this sem is mostly dancing classes and only one research paper to worry about academically (dang i haven't touched it yet. okay i will do it soon)
I feel different about my learning in school. All along i've thought that hard work pays off. and paying off means getting opportunities to perform, or getting a deserving GPA, but these 5 years here taught me otherwise. This semester i just want to learn, and try not to get so affected by all the biasness and unfairness this stream brings. So really, paying off means being a better dancer, to feel your body benefiting from all the work and sweat that you put in, thats my reward, and i know i'll be happy. I'm not giving up, i still yearn for the opportunities, and i'll make an effort for it but i just want to enjoy dancing again.
I hope i'll be more daring, be it in class, in my learning, in performing, in taking a stand for the right beliefs. I just wanna cherish every dancing day in school. i hope i'll be blessed with courage.
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