Monday, November 21, 2011 // 8:31 PM
Dance 1 is finally over
would be lying if i said i don't miss it.
The production week really passed faster than i thought.
even though i feel that we do a lot of sitting down and sloppy rehearsals,
but to be honest, i really do feel that our final product is something that is worth the lyric theatre and time of our audiences.
i really love how traditional and old fashion this dance is, and i'm really glad that i have the opportunity to be part of this piece with all the fun people to go crazy with. i'll miss being able to seriously play onstage and laugh from the heart. I love how united and encouraging we are onstage. I know outside of the stage some of us may have opinions about each other, but i'm really happy that whenever it comes to performing and dancing, we're all a team and we'll help each other out, leave personal problems aside, and we'll do our best, for the audience.
I may not have as much opportunities as the guys or some of the seniors to play a part in this piece. but i'm satisfied. and i'm contented with what i get to dance.
I remember how lousy i felt after the first performance when i fell from the ariel cartwheel because i was really doing fine for all the rehearsals the whole week before that. I know i wasn't stable to begin with but at the very least i was stable for the whole week before the actual performance, and to think that i fell during the performance was quite a blow to me. It's painful on the knees, yes. but its even more painful on the heart. it was more of a disapointment than anything else.
I must be really down on my luck, to have injuries just before performances, first the sprained ankle for cadence. now this. the second and third performance was better, but i still wasn't doing it right for the ariel. It must really be my problem, i guess for the two days of performance, the only thing that worried me is the ariel and it sucks to have to feel this way. I really honestly feel like the ariel can cost me my satisfication for the performance.
I tried so many times before the final performance to make sure that i was warmed enough because i knew that it was my final chance to make it right. and seriously, i've never ever felt so much pressure for any performance before. I know that if you look at the performance as a whole, the ariel is nothing and is not even worth a cent, but as a dancer, it is so important to me and i couldn't get my mind off it. I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy the backstage fun when i know that after the three performances i still didn't do it well. it sucks.
but i really really wanted this opportunity and i really don't want it to go to waste. I remember right before the final performance, i couldn't stop thinking about it at the sidewings and i just couldn't calm myself down. i want it so badly.
and when its finally time to go onstage, to say the truth, i was really really stressed, not scared, but stressed. performing was fine because we've done it so many times that it really comes naturally, and when it was just 5 seconds before the ariel, i was really praying so hard, so hard , so hard.
then when i just ran and jump, i'll never forget how it felt in the air, and landing with enough time and height. my heart just burst with excitement. It sounds stupid, but i'm really proud of it. and i swear i could just burst out with tears of joy and excitement at that very moment.
I'm really happy and thankful. It may just be a stupid ariel cartwheel,and it may seem like i'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but to me, it feels like i've challenged and conquered myself as a dancer on my own basis, and i finally managed to complete it onstage for an actual performance. Thank you so so much. I really leave this dance with no regrets :)
These few days has gotten me so hyped up about learning and dancing. I really wanna work so much harder for school and dance classes, I miss pei laoshi's scolding and sarcarsm really, and i feel like i need all the help i can get from the teachers in school. because really, i know they mean well.
I was really too foolish in the past to feel that they're only capable of scolding and complaining. I really hope our classes get more strict and that the teachers don't give up on me. 我真的很想学习，求求你们不要放弃我!
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